Ew, ew, ew....plus, practical advice

The last little bit of pregnancy is getting pretty disgusting. Apparently, one of the many purposes of the "membrane sweep" is to loosen the mucous plug. The membrane sweeping hurt like crap, as I mentioned in the previous blog. However, I'd say it was pretty productive if it caused this one step in pre-labor to happen.



In real life, the mucous plug looks like a really nasty loogie. This website has a picture of a real one if you really, really want to see an example. I was pretty disgusted by it. So this basically means labor could start in a few hours, or up to two weeks from now. I'm truly hoping for sooner rather than later, of course.

We went on a tour of the labor & delivery ward at the hospital last night. I highly recommend going at night, through the emergency department, so that you can find the birthing center from there. It's one thing to know how to get there from the entrance closest to it, but that might be closed after-hours or on weekends. If you need someone to give you a tour, you might want to call ahead to ensure that there is at least one birthing room available to look at, and that staff isn't too busy to take a few minutes and walk you around. I wish I had brought my camera. The birthing room was super-awesome and comfy-looking. Well, maybe in a couple days I'll get to be in one. There will be pictures then, of course!

I Feel Like a Car

... except one that can feel pain.

I had my 38-week checkup today. They ask if there's any strange "knocking" (contractions), leaks, drips, etc. before checking under the hood themselves. Then, the "sweep" or "stripping" of membranes occurs. Wow, so I didn't know it would feel like I was being forcibly violated. I had to take a breather in between sweeps. The reason it was so painful is because my cervix is still pretty thick, so the midwife had to kind of jab to get in there. She promises it won't be as bad next time because the cervix will be thinner.

Before any poking and prodding, however, she told me I was 30% effaced and 1 1/2 cm dilated. It means practically nothing. But at least things are progressing. It's hard not to be discouraged at this point when you've heard about 3 different women (1 due the day before you, and 2 with due-dates after yours) already have babies. I'm trying to stay positive.

My dear husband is very encouraging and keeps me from turning into a crazy person. He's also reading "The Birth Partner" by Penny Simkin (we're using the 2nd edition but there is a 3rd edition out). It's sort of alleviating any mental trauma I've had about labor and delivery. Plus, it says quite clearly what my dear husband should be doing during all of it. It's pretty helpful, and I recommend it.

Shocking Revelation

I was sitting here, minding my own business, when a crazy thought occurred to me.... I have absolutely NO idea what contractions feel like! Several people have asked me if I'm having Braxton-Hicks (practice contractions) and I always say no, because I figure I'd probably know if I did, right? But I don't know! My mom, always a giver of advice, said I would just feel "different." Ambiguity is awesome.

Another friend has advised I have my membranes stripped after 38 weeks. I think on my 39-week appointment, if the baby isn't doing anything progressively toward labor, I will!

Nearing Week 36

OUCH!

That's pretty much all I do lately. There just isn't enough space left for the little one. And I use the term "little one" very loosely. The baby feels enormous to me. The space between my ribs and pelvis is not very accommodating, so Baby has decided to adjust all of my internal organs and bone structure. I feel rather like I've been run through the ringer a few times, or perhaps hit by a truck.

I spoke to a couple of other moms (new and experienced alike), and they all agree that pregnancy lasts just about one month longer than necessary. Maybe not to the baby, but definitely to the mom! Since I'm pretty much in that last month now (the unnecessary one), I have to say I agree.

Here's hoping I don't end up like the majority of first-timers and go 41 weeks!

34 Weeks, 2 Days

Had the last ultrasound today. Baby was pretty cooperative, although it took some time to see the heart. Didn't matter much because this tech didn't really have the high-quality machine that the other tech did, nor the expertise about VSDs - so she said she couldn't see them, and I guess that's a good thing. Anyway, the part you are all waiting for... pictures!

Baby has a head full of hair!

You can see a closed eye and eyebrow.

Baby gots some fat lips!

If you can't see that last one, tilt your head to the right and imagine Baby is blindfolded. You can see the bottom of the little nose and then BIG FAT LIPS!!!! That's okay, both Mommy and Daddy have them as well. Time is drawing short on this pregnancy. Less than six weeks to go. Hopefully, Baby wants to show up on time (or maybe a few days early). We shall see.

Things that go BUMP in the Night...

I might be having practice contractions. That's what I call them because that's what they are. Braxton Hicks is the real name for these "practice contractions" that can start as early as the second trimester. Unfortunately, despite all the descriptions, I have absolutely no idea what contractions feel like. I liken this to the descriptions of what fetal movement might feel like. Every pregnancy, every woman, every baby is different - so those feelings that people seem so eager to describe for me are really more like descriptions of what they felt.

Here is what I feel:

• Abdominal aches, much like the stretching-ab-machine-workout feeling I described earlier, when my stomach began to grow
  
• Slight nausea (okay, not really nausea, but that feeling you get on the way down from the top of a Ferris Wheel)
  
• Mild gut discomfort (kind of like fart-cramp)
  

That's pretty much everything, in a nutshell. I know it isn't much to go on, but I also know it isn't "the real thing" because I haven't needed to go to the hospital, and it typically goes away within a couple of minutes. The most annoying part of it is that it happens primarily at night, when normal people like to be asleep. Sometimes it wakes me up, and I get all annoyed because then the Baby starts moving and it all prevents me from falling right back to sleep. Usually Baby movement doesn't wake me up, so this is something else I get to enjoy!

My dear husband... I cannot talk with him about the physical ailments of pregnancy because he believes every little tweak will result in a trip to the hospital. It's always the first question out of his mouth: "Is this a 'We need to go to the hospital' kind of ouch, or what?" At least I know that when the time comes, he'll be ready!

A Little Too Grabby

It is now Week 30-6 (tomorrow marks off a full 31 weeks). Baby has consistently kicked and wiggled and squirmed, but now a new activity has begun. Baby got grabby. I'm sitting there, minding my own business, when all of a sudden I feel intense discomfort in my ... well, my bladder, I guess. Not like a "gotta go" sensation. This is like if a little pinchy buggar decided to see what bladder feels like from the top side. I assume this is what occurred. Baby has been pinching and grasping all sorts of parts inside there. Mostly I notice when my bladder begins to tingle. It doesn't exactly hurt - it's more of an uncomfortable feeling, kind of like a low-voltage shock.

At any rate, I'm really ready for this habit to cease. Feet are still in the ribs, I still have the occasional soreness from sciatica, and now there's this. Pinchy McGhee better settle down. As my friend in Virginia states it, some of these little fetal movements plead a good case for child abuse. The good news is, I can push back when Baby pushes on me. S/he isn't going anywhere and can really just push right back at me or (hopefully) stop doing whatever it was that annoyed me in the first place.

Funny story: the other night, my husband decided to push on my stomach. Baby pushed back. He pushed again, and Baby pushed back. It was like a little game. Of course, this only happened for a few seconds before the Baby rolled to another direction and stopped playing. Still, it made Daddy have a nice warm fuzzy for the rest of the night. Ah, the joys of bonding!

Week 28 Ultrasound

Today is Week 28, Day 6. Almost 29 weeks. I'm technically in the third trimester now, and the DAY is drawing closer. I got some new clothes in the mail from my mother. Here's a little taste:


We got some great news today at the ultrasound. The VSDs (holes) in the baby's heart are now down to less than one millimeter each in size. With any luck, they will be gone before the birth. If not, they should be gone close after. The next ultrasound is not until 29 November, so we have plenty of time to work it out!

My suspicions were confirmed today... the reason my ribs hurt so badly is because a tiny foot is wedged up there in them throughout much of the day. I have started doing yoga and other stretches to get Baby to do something else with its feet for a while, but eventually they migrate right back into their favorite resting place. I guess I shouldn't complain. It's slightly less annoying than the sciatic nerve pain I had for the entire second trimester.

And now, the ones you're REALLY waiting for, the baby:

Baby's eyes are open. Because we woke it up with the ultrasound!Big yawn!!!

It's simply amazing to watch the little one grow and move. We saw the eyes moving around, "looking" at stuff (even though it's REALLY dark in there and not much to see). And the little one's tongue, tasting the amniotic fluid and practicing the SUCK. The technician says there is hair on Baby's head now. The heart rate was really good... 138 bpm at first (sleeping), and finally around 150 bpm by the end (because Baby was irritated, I think). Baby weighs 3 lbs., 1 oz. and is about a week ahead for its size (looking like a 30 week, 1 day baby rather than a 28 week, 6 day baby). Here's hoping that means the little one shows up early!

Week 28 - Warning: Contents Under Pressure

A new development over the last week is that when I lie down at night, I can feel Baby pressing against one side of my belly. This is different from the bump-bump I feel when Baby is restless or practicing karate. This is just like what I would call a classic "fart stretch." I know I'm a redneck with no manners, but don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about. Babies are not shy about doing this when they are gassy. I've witnessed it firsthand numerous times. They stretch out their legs against something that can push back (presumably a caregiver's hands or legs) and just let 'er rip.

So now I feel the pressure against one side of my belly as I'm lying there about to fall asleep. And the fun part is, when I push back, I can feel Baby move away (not jerky bumps again, but really fluid movements). Baby rolls over or withdraws the offending limb from my abdominal wall. It is a RESPONSE, which I think is awesome. Until now, Baby was just a mess of arms and legs and squirms and wiggles and lacked any kind of real direction in movement. Now, there is a distinct pattern. Baby sleeps, Baby wakes and wants to play, Baby gets fussy and irritated, and Baby likes to stretch at night. It's cool!

So now entering MONTH SEVEN, I'm still feeling pretty good. I have some new, cute maternity clothes to wear. I owe some pictures to you loyal readers (all three of you) and promise to post them, maybe as an edit to this blog. I will soon have more time to be more faithful in my writing. I'm switching to shorter workdays this week (provided I don't have eighty million things to do) in order to reduce the workload and stress and prevent pre-term labor. Although, I would really appreciate "pre-term" labor at around week 37. That would be awesome.

Mexican Jumping Bean - Doula You Love Me?

So Mexico was a blast. The weather was warm (okay, hot) and the humidity was approximately that of a steam room, but it was a nice change from the 48-degrees-and-raining Pacific Northwest. I think Baby liked it too. I call him/her my "Mexican Jumping Bean" because at least two or three times per day, the little one was dancing the salsa or something in there!

I am still learning where the Bean is in my belly: what position, which way he/she is facing, and where the feet are. But today, a doula came to talk to all the preggos at Fort Lewis (there are a lot), and she gave us some handouts that showed us not only how to tell where Baby is (through "Belly Mapping") but how to make Baby move! The website where she got/created the handout is here. The Doulas of North America have a website that helps pregnant folks find a doula and birthing center in their local area.

I'm not sure I want a doula because I have a certified nurse midwife, a doctor standing by, and a wonderful husband who will be my partner. Still, it's good to know that I can have him wrap a towel under my belly while I'm on hands and knees and he can "shake the baby" using the towel and squeeze my hips with his legs while standing over me. All that just to get the baby ready to be born. In a position that hopefully won't require too much back labor, too much bleeding, too many stitches, or too many long hours.

With the Bean jumping all over the place as of now, it might be useful to learn a few techniques to ensure he/she isn't trying to put a foot through the birth canal!

Bumpin'

Last night, while we were lying in bed, I told Devlyn to put his hand on my stomach and feel the baby move. I joked, "Of course, once you put your hand there, the baby will probably stop moving." I was wrong.

The baby kicked Daddy about 2-3 times. I think it kind of freaked him out. But it was so exciting. I think it makes things that much more real for him, too. It's all very real to me because I get to feel the wiggles all the time. But he's only seen ultrasound pictures (which is really awesome, too). Now that he felt our little one move, I think putting the picture together with the feeling is where the magic happens.

Sweet Dreams

They say that pregnancy causes vivid, off-the-wall, and sometimes very weird dreams. I can honestly say I must not be susceptible to whatever hormone causes that. My dreams (when I remember them) are pretty mundane. Sometimes they involve grocery shopping, or maybe even (gasp!) sitting at my computer at work. My loved ones, however, have had some pretty awe-inspiring, whacko dreams.

I've been forbidden to post my husband's dream from last night, but I must say it was out there... involving potent liquor made from dandelions, airport security issues, and Charles Barkley. My sister had a dream a few weeks ago that she got to hold our baby and know what the sex was, but that the baby wasn't "done" yet so the nurse put it back in me after she was done holding it. Bizarre, no doubt. I only wish my mind were as creative and explorative of the subconscious as theirs.

Oh well! Guess I'll be content with listening to the gurgles and thumps of baby with my handy listening device. I tried to find a stethescope at the drug store, but all I could find is one of those electronic listeners. I think they are a waste of money... a stethescope would be better suited and you can probably hear baby's heartbeat a lot more clearly with one. Especially considering the fact that I could barely hear my OWN heartbeat with the "Bebe Sounds" fetal listener. Listening to those sounds just before bed is somehow calming, and of course, so is looking at the little one sucking his/her thumb!

The technician didn't say Baby was a thumb-sucker, but what does it look like to you?

All in all, I'm feeling good and over halfway there. That picture is from 22 weeks. I'm at 24 weeks now, and crossing the "safety" threshhold where Baby might be able to survive outside (with intensive care). I'm so much more at ease about that, that we're going to Mexico in two weeks for our "babymoon" to celebrate life and our last vacation together before two become three. Wonder if I'll have any good dreams about that!!!

Getting Better all the Time

Ultrasound for week 22 was completed yesterday. Had the echocardiogram with the specialist looking on. Baby still has two holes (VSDs) in the heart, one of which is "pretty likely" to heal up on its own - maybe even before baby is born. The other has a smaller chance of doing that, but the good news is that it's small enough that it shouldn't require surgery. And they won't get bigger than they already are.

The EIF (calcium spot) is not a concern to the cardiologist or anyone else, either. It is not likely to have any effect on the heart's function.

It sounded great, looked great, and all other baby parts are normal and healthy. Baby weighed one pound, one ounce yesterday. No idea how "big" he/she is because there isn't enough room for baby to really stretch out anymore. Measurements would be inaccurate. They had estimated the growth rate at around the 77th percentile from the previous (week 19) ultrasound though.

The doctor expects baby to grow to full term without further complications, but just to be sure I will have another ultrasound in six to seven weeks. Careful what you wish for!!! I signed up for the gall bladder research so I could get more ultrasounds and see the baby more. With the complications, I have had the opportunity (already) to see more of my baby than most women get in their whole pregnancies.

Stre-e-e-e-etch!

Abdominal muscles are pretty amazing. They can be super-tight and prevent a person from feeling the little one when he/she is engaged in acrobatics in the womb. They can also be super-stretchy and expand (maybe even to the point of splitting) when baby grows all huge. Now, poke out your stomach and hold it for as long as you can stand. Feel that burn? That would be what it feels like, only I can't release that muscle. It's in constant flex right now to make extra room for baby. Ouch!

I'm handling it pretty well for the most part.

The other thing is, the round ligaments that support the uterus are also being stretched. This causes some rather sharp pains, particularly at night when I roll over. It often wakes me up if my husband doesn't when he tries to push me back onto my left side. FYI, sleeping on the left side is good for baby because it maximizes the amount of blood flow (oxygen, nutrients, life force) from mom.

I keep working out as much as possible, but sometimes things interfere (like the pool being closed indefinitely for repairs, or the aerobics instructor deciding not to show up to class). Having a backup plan for these days is the smart thing to do, but alas, I'm not so smart. Exercise is good for all these pains I'm having, though. And it keeps me from gaining weight too quickly (which I feel like I might be doing now) - finally gaining weight, and I still have to complain!

The really funny thing is that if I get super-excited (maybe during a highly-emotive football game) baby does too. So now all those stretches and burning sensations on the outside are mirrored with some little pokes and jabs from the inside. Gotta love it!

Pictures

After all this time, here's the 19 Weeks Ultrasound photo update. I had about twenty to choose from, but ultimately, these were the best two. And I'm not trying to make it take all day to upload.

Baby's facial profile, with a little hand waving hello. Or just hanging out up there.


This little foot is already almost one inch long!

So there they are. You can guess all you want about whether it's a boy or girl, but if the technician couldn't tell, neither can YOU. Haha!

Yes, that's you in there!

I have finally learned to recognize the wiggles as "baby wiggles" instead of gas. Hooray. So all those descriptions of fetal movement didn't really do anything but confuse me. Not to mention my mother's "It feels like you have to go to the bathroom" description.

Here's what it feels like (to me) sometimes:
* Bump-bump-bump against the inside of my abdominal wall (like knocking)
* A "squirming" sensation just above my bowel (like maybe gas still in the process of working its way down)
* A tickle on the inside (I actually laughed aloud a few minutes ago, and I'm not very ticklish)
* A feeling like you might need to burp, but when you do... you realize the feeling is much lower than your esophagus

The bottom line is, there isn't a perfect way to describe it. Not only is every fetal movement (with just the one baby I'm carrying) different, but my sensation of it is likely different from other moms-to-be, and my descriptions are as well.

The good news is, I've been feeling them for a few days now (and I can retroactively include those feelings I wasn't sure about before because I'm sure now). Historically, women have estimated their baby's date of birth at about 147 days after they first felt the baby move. By my calculations, that will put baby at 13 January (5 days late)...if that's even a reasonable estimate. Of course, I know that babies are on their own schedule.

Provided all goes well with the echocardiogram and the next few ultrasounds, I'm anticipating a healthy, full-term baby (I've been saying all along he/she will be late). The best thing ever was when I was at my OB appointment, and the nurse midwife listenend to the heartbeat with the Doppler...baby had the hiccups! I take all small victories as a sign things are going well. Who cares what the doctor said?

There is no sudden realization.

All that whining I've been doing about not feeling the baby move. I guess I thought I would just kind of know when I could feel it. It would be this special, clearly identifiable moment of clarity when I could say, "Ha! There you are!" and document the date and time.

Unfortunately, it isn't like that for the first-timer. I've been feeling little twinges and gurgles and stuff for a while (see back a few blogs). It's just really tough to distinguish regular body gurgles and baby movements. On the next go-round (if I decide to do this again someday), I'm sure I'll have that "Aha Moment" I was looking for this time, because I'll know what I'm feeling.

But really, when I lie down and am quiet (or even sitting here, as I type), I can feel a little bump, or bubble, or gurgle, or some similar feeling (not those "flutters" many people kept describing, or "the feeling that you have to pee" like my mother said). I tried really hard to focus at the ultrasound, to see if I felt anything when I saw the baby move. But the baby wasn't super active, and plus my stomach kept growling because I was on a partial fast so it overrode any other wiggles I might have noticed.

I'm kind of lazy right now, but I have twenty different ultrasound pictures to choose from. And since the baby was hiding its genitalia, I feel comfortable enough to post a few. Just not right now. The talking of food has made me hungry. Plus, it's time for dinner anyway.

Shot Through the Heart

I saw eleventy-billion pictures of my baby yesterday. Moving, kicking, squirming, and hiding its face with crossed arms. And hiding its sex with crossed legs (so THERE...baby doesn't want to be identified).

But they saw something on the ultrasound they didn't like. My brilliant husband noticed it too, and he immediately asked, "What is that bright spot in the baby's heart?" The ultrasound technician sort of waived it off as if it were nothing, but then the doctor called us back in.

The bright white was a calcium deposit, known as an Echogenic Intracardiac Focus, or EIF. He said that EIF is a fetal marker for Down Syndrome. Although I had the blood test a few weeks ago and it came up normal, those tests tend to miss approximately 20% of all known cases. We have the option of doing an amniocentesis (where they stick a large needle through my abdomen and draw some of the amniotic fluid around the baby) to get an accurate reading and know for sure, but the risk includes miscarriage at a rate of 1 in 200. The risk of actually having DS is about the same, maybe a little higher. My question is, what would knowing do for us? It wouldn't change the diagnosis, and it certainly wouldn't change our decision to keep our baby. So to me, it isn't worth the risk.

The other thing that was noted on the baby's heart was what is known as a Ventricular Septal Defect, or VSD. This is basically a hole in baby's heart in the muscle between the left and right ventricles. It means very little now because all of the baby's blood is being filtered by my heart. But after birth, the oxygenated blood will mix with and displace the de-oxygenated blood, causing some potentially long-term problems. The problem could fix itself, or baby might need surgery before the age of two. That is more of a wait-and-see thing. Here's a picture of normal versus not normal:



Here's hoping that hole they saw isn't very large (really, what is 3mm in the grand scheme of things?) and that it will repair itself.

I am scheduled for another ultrasound in two weeks, this time with a greater focus on the heart. I was just so excited to see it beating, that I don't even care about anything else.

Ultrasound tomorrow...dare I post pictures?

Ultrasound number two is tomorrow morning, and I'm really excited to see how much the baby has grown. Maybe I can watch the movements on screen and feel them as well (so I'll know what I'm feeling for). People's descriptions so far have not been helpful in my determining whether that was a baby movement or a bowel gurgle.

The really unfortunate thing is, my husband and I have decided to make the baby's sex surprise, but someone very close to us is trying to ruin that. I am worried that if I post pictures of the baby, this unnamed person will try (as threatened) to get someone else to determine the sex. The reasoning is "to make shopping easier" for everyone.

How about the fact that the parents (Devlyn and me) don't want to find out the sex. And if we don't find out, NOBODY finds out. What's so wrong with wanting it to be a surprise? So many things are unsurprising these days. I've known practically since the day I missed my period that I was pregnant. I've seen what the baby looks like already. I have everything picked out for the baby's room. We even have names picked out (but I'm not telling).

Why can't my wishes be considered? Why can't this person just let me decide how I want my pregnancy to go? If I want it to be a surprise, then dammit, EVERYONE will be surprised.

So, until I get confirmation from that person that they won't try to usurp my parenthood authority or go behind my back to determine the sex and then tell everyone what to buy, nobody gets to see pictures.

Utah is too hot

So I went to Utah with my soon-to-be-deployed friend Veronica, in an effort to transport her vehicle and donate it to her twin sister.

It's too hot in Utah for pregnant people. Thank you, that is all.

Giggles, Wiggles, Flutters, and Farts

So a day or two ago, I felt a little "flutter" and was thinking..."YES, this is it!!! I can finally feel the baby moving." But then I pooted. And I sadly realized it was only gas. But, what if the baby was on my bowel and rolled off to allow the air to escape?

I am now beginning Week 18. Some websites say only the overweight moms can't feel their babies move by Week 20. My darling husband said, "I think today's going to be the day." I hope he doesn't have to say it again tomorrow and the next day!

I still poke a finger in my belly periodically to see if I can get a reaction. So far, nothing. This must be the most difficult part of pregnancy. I can't feel the baby move, I don't feel sick, and when I lie down I don't even look pregnant. But my belly is still growing, so unless I'm like Violet Beauregard from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and I need to be "juiced" - I think there's still a growing baby in there.

And I haven't chewed any funky-looking gum given to me by a stranger recently.

Nothing Special about Today

I'm now at sixteen weeks, 4 days (in the 4th month now). No movement yet, although I have eaten spicy food and sugar in the past few days just to see if that has any effect. Other than making me gassy and hyper, nothing. But, I'm a first-timer, and my recognition of movement may suck too!

I am SHOWING now, however, which makes me pretty excited.



I guess any real concerns I had about whether or not something was wrong have vanished. I feel good. I can relax. Maybe my last week at work was just a little too stressful. My ultrasound will be at nineteen weeks, 1 day. My baby will have a backbone I can see, more developed skull bones, and tooth buds for the PERMANENT teeth (the baby teeth buds are already there).

Next time I go to see the midwife for a checkup, I'll be halfway through the pregnancy. Wow.

Still Kicking

Even though I can't yet feel it, the baby is still in there, moving around, keeping a healthy 160+ bpm heart rate. I breathed a little sigh of relief as I crossed the 4 month threshhold, the sacred place where rate of miscarriage drops to below 3%.

However relieved I might be, tragedy fell on one of my Soldiers this week, as his wife miscarried after 3 months, 2 days. She'll have a D&C on Monday to remove her fetus, placenta, and excess tissue. I cannot imagine her pain (physical and emotional), trying to explain to her other two children why they won't be welcoming a sibling this winter, or carrying her dead child within her for nearly a full week before the procedure.

I pray for her full recovery, and for her husband's safe return from temporary duty across the country. He will need to be there for her!

15-5 and still alive?

Fifteen weeks, five days. This seems like a really accurate count, but of course it's not really anything more than counting from the last time "Aunt Flo" was in town.

For the first time, I have begun to wonder if my fetus has died. Right now, I have NO indication that anything is happening inside of me. I don't feel nauseous anymore, my breasts are not really tender anymore, and I still haven't gained any weight. My abdomen protrudes only slightly, so it's really hard for onlookers to say definitely, "Yep she's pregnant."

My appointment tomorrow will make me feel reassured. I just have to wait until then.

14 Weeks

So we're now on week 14 of this 40-week journey. I'm starting to feel better, although morning sickness still occurs once in a while. It actually hasn't been too overboard though, averaging once a week. I can live with that.

So far, no kicks or murmurs in the tummy. Although, depending on who you ask, it could be anywhere from 18-24 weeks for this first-timer, and according to AmericanPregnancy.org, the range could be from as little as 13 to as much as 25 weeks. How frustrating! I just want to feel a squirm (that doesn't turn out to be gas). Although many liken it to that feeling of bubble guts, I'm hoping I can tell the difference. Especially if I'm really trying to tune in for it.

The great news is, the second ultrasound is coming up next month. And for anyone who was wondering, NO - we're not going to find out the sex. AND we're not going to tell anyone the baby's name until after it's born. Not even the ones we've narrowed it down to! Exciting times are ahead. For everyone who even remotely cares.

Worst Idea Ever!

So I thought maybe I'd get my education on about labor and delivery. What better way than by checking out The Learning Channel? You learn stuff, and it's pretty well-documented. I'm sure they have great fact-checkers. So I watched "A Baby Story" on TLC, which (if you've never heard of it), is about the last couple of weeks of pregnancy, into labor and delivery, and a couple weeks after the parents are home. It's only a half-hour show. I watched two of them today.

So far, I have determined TWO major facts:

1. Watching "A Baby Story" will make me cry.
2. Watching "A Baby Story" has made me not want to give birth. Like, at all.

Drugs or no drugs, I do not want to force a huge noggin (because if I think about the size of my own head and the size of my husband's head, I have no chance of getting a break here)...out my (let me be polite) girl parts. This is a bad notion at this point, because it's pretty much unavoidable. I can't just remain pregnant, nor will the Army give me a Caesarean unless it's absolutely necessary to save my life. They didn't say if they'd do it if it were necessary to save the doctor's life, though. Maybe if I try to choke out the doctor...

See, if I could give birth, NOW (in the 13th week), my little infant is only 3 inches long from crown to rump (a little longer with the legs and all). I can manage that. Unfortunately, baby can't manage the outside world yet. By the time he or she can handle the outside world, I don't know if I can handle the childbirth!

Please, can't I just be comatose for that part?

12 Weeks, 5 Days

Not much to report these days. I am still not 100% over the "morning" sickness (because I just barfed at 1:30pm today). Overall, I'm starting to feel a little better though. Insomnia has just begun, and I think it's more stress-related than baby-related. I can't feel the little one moving yet but I know it's only a matter of time. Now that I've seen the bouncing baby (literally, bouncing) on the ultrasound, I know it won't be long before he or she is strong enough to say, "Hey, I'm here!!!"

To my chagrin, I am still not quite "pregnant" looking. I have a few maternity items just for the comfort, but I don't exactly require them yet. I can still fit some of my larger clothes, but even the fat jeans can't be buttoned anymore. I'll probably start wearing the maternity uniform this week since I haven't been able to button the pants for quite some time, and now I'm at the end of the belt. You can see below the utter lack of pregnantness. My "beer gut" (as I affectionately call it) will grow pretty soon, but I guess I didn't realize that it took more than three months to really appear pregnant. Here's hoping I don't go too crazy wishing for that "pregnant look" that I unwittingly gain 70 pounds!

So far, I've only lost ten...and gained zero.

Hair, hair, everywhere

I have always had problems shaving under my arms, and I always hated the "moustache." So I went and had something done about it. From late 2005 to early 2006, I had laser hair removal. It was expensive - even with my Super-Duper discount for having been pals with the gal who does it. My mom took her wedding pictures for discount rates, so she felt it nice to return the favor and we both got discounts.

Pregnancy hormones are evil. $300 and lots of owwies later, I am growing hair again. I have pit hair, le moustache, chin stubble, and a few long ones on my breasts. I will not even begin to discuss "down there." I shave, pluck, and scowl at the ever-growing problem. I'm starting to wonder if I've wasted that money or if maybe after the hormones die down everything will resume some semblance of normalcy.

I know it won't be that inexpensive if I have to do laser removal again. So the cost will outweigh the benefit. My baby will need diapers. And I will need lotions and ointments to soothe the burning rash I inevitably get from shaving under my arms. And I will need ice packs to put on my face after I yank out my moustache and goatee.

It's funny. Pregnancy is the most girlie thing a female can do. Yet it makes us look like men. Or yeti. How odd!

Ultrasound One

I don't need to say much. It was amazing. And you can see the baby move, and its little heart just pumping away! We got to hear the REAL heartbeat today (way different from the Doppler swoosh).

The upper picture is with baby all curled up. He or she stretched afterward. The lower picture has the baby's hand near its mouth (thumb-sucking is still a ways off, but the baby's checking them out anyway). The bright white lines on its face are its jawbones. The little skinny things sticking out front are legs.

Okay, I'm done talking. Take a look! (Click the pictures to get a better view.)

There's no sex when you vomit

For those who recognized the (very) loose Bush reference (that would be the band, not the President), congratulations. Now, on to the subject at hand.

One relatively alarming (well, for the daddy-to-be, anyway) side-effect of pregnancy is the loss of libido. Well, some say there's an increase but not for me. I went from (well, never mind where I used to be) down to flat zero sex drive. It isn't anything in particular I can pinpoint, so I'll just list a few things that I think contribute.

1. Feeling "unsexy." This can be likened to that bloated, gassy feeling you might have after eating way too much, or maybe you just don't feel pretty. Or that you think you look like a whale because you can't zip your favorite jeans up anymore.

2. Nauseous Maximus. This would be that queasy feeling not unlike seasickness that I feel nearly every day at varying points in the day. Could be that I ate too little, or maybe I ate too much. Maybe I ate something that the baby hated and hasn't had the nerve to develop any language skills to tell me yet. Either way, this unfortunate side effect often leads to....

3. Spewage. Disgusting, surprising, repulsive, whatever you want to call it. It's vomit. It's bad enough when you've just eaten what you thought was a nice, healthy breakfast. It's much worse when you've fasted for 12 hours in order to have your base level glucose measured in a blood draw and all you have is disgusting yellow stomach bile. (Side note: Stomach bile looks a lot like a thoroughly whisked runny egg yolk when it goes in the toilet, which made me laugh at the thought, right before I heaved more of it this morning.)

4. Pregnancy-induced psychosis. This may need explaining. I've gone completely mad. I love you one minute, hate you the next. I am happy and then utterly depressed. I am fixated on cleaning, then I can't possibly be expected to lift a finger while I'm growing a baby inside me. My poor husband deals with this on a regular basis and hasn't tried to kill me yet. Although my pillow was on top of my head this morning.

5. Desire mixed with Revulsion. This last one is harder to explain. It's the same feeling I have when I eat, even though I don't want to. I'm hungry and desire the food, but I'm not sure if I'll feel good afterwards or if I'll go yak it up again. The only thing that makes me eat anyway is the prospect of harming my little fetus if I don't. There is no such catch to failure to orgasm. Or even failure to want to pretend to try. So I gaze over lovingly at my husband because I want to... but then something inside me says, "But you might get seasick or be in pain or it might not be good or you might need to change positions ten times or you're too picky anyway, or..." you get the idea.

The worst part is, he's so in tune with my emotional state (crazy as it may be right now), that he can tell if I'm not really into it and only doing it for him (which I did already try once). This, in turn, makes it totally not fun for him. So I have given up for now. I just hope that when the second trimester comes, all the nasty part of being pregnant will vanish with the first trimester and we can be close to normal again. Maybe, everything will even be zen.

Pregnancy Week 9

The ninth week so far has been okay. I've done a lot this week, including attend a college orientation with Devlyn and attend a Police concert at Key Arena!

I have lost a total of ten pounds, mostly from the changes in eating habits. I eat a lot more often, but tend to eat a lot less at a time. My overall caloric intake has dropped a little, but it seems that the eating all day has made the biggest change. I know I'll start gaining soon. I'm trying not to be too alarmed just yet. Maybe it's ten pounds I didn't need (unhealthy ones) or maybe it's loss of muscle mass from the changes I've made in my workout. I'm not sure, but I'm trying to not let it bother me.

Mostly what I've noticed is the fatigue and the nausea when I don't eat. Of course, sometimes it's even when I DO eat. Then there's the gas. Nobody ever told me that flatulence and belching were going to be at an all-time high during pregnancy. It's uncontrollable, and sometimes it's painful!

At least I have a general idea of how my grape-sized baby is doing. A lovely woman I met at Devlyn's college orientation said the way I feel is a sign that things are going normally. I use that to make me feel better when the "symptoms" get ridiculous. Here's a picture of what my little nugget looks like (in theory) by now.



The good news is, I'll get a real chance to see him or her for the first time coming up in a couple of weeks. My first appointment with the midwife is on the 18th, and my first ultrasound (thanks to that gall bladder study) will be on the 21st. So I'll have a cute little picture like this one (but not this one) to show off!



I'm growing a little bit more anxious, but that feeling comes and goes. My belly is starting to look a little "swole" (maybe actually from my grapefruit-sized uterus now rather than from all the bowel distension), so I'm starting to feel more pregnant than before. Even though the skin isn't really stretching yet, I have scratched my tummy a few times without thinking. It's not even itchy! I also do the subconscious belly rub and the "hold" a lot. All moms, I'm sure, know what I mean by the "hold" but just to explain to those who don't know, this is when I rest my hand(s) on my belly around the tiny bulge.

Things are moving along, and life is good. When I get more obviously round, I'll post a picture of me on here. I know, the anticipation is probably more than you can handle. Hang in there!

More than fatigue

I'm not showing yet, and here's why. That baby takes up NO space yet. I read in yet another pregnancy guide that my belly is all swole because of my "excessive bloating and distended bowel from gas or constipation." So my pants may be tight, but it isn't baby... I just have to fart.

The newest change for me is the fatigue. I'm pretty sleepy all day. Not sure if it's from getting up to go pee at various times during the night, if it's the strain of growing a parasite from scratch, or both. I'd say, both. It's really hard to get used to the fact that my heart is pounding just from walking up the stairs to go to bed. And I'm all out of breath, and not even working that hard!

Turns out, I'm increasing blood volume to support the little growth I have inside me, which makes my heart work harder, thus making me a big wimp when it comes to "strenuous" activity. I got all hot and tired today after watering the grass. WATERING THE GRASS!!!

We've been given the option of seeing either an obstetrician or a certified nurse midwife (CNM) for this pregnancy, thanks to the Madigan Army Medical Center at Fort Lewis. Since I'm in good health and this doesn't seem to be a high-risk pregnancy so far, we've opted for the CNM. If I decide that she's too "touchy-feely" for me, I can switch over to the doc at any time. Also, an obstetrician will be on-call for me during the birth so if anything goes horribly wrong that the midwife can't handle, a doc is right there anyway.

I've registered on Babies-R-Us and "spent" a friggin' fortune already. I had no ideas babies were so expensive. And I'm not even looking at the nice, expensive stuff. I sort by lowest price before clicking. To give you an idea, when you click the Babies-R-Us link, click on Registry, and then put in this number: 47809796 (or you can search by my name). I'm not even close to being finished with the stuff we need, and it's already crazy-high!

All this excitement has gotten me (yet again) a bit sluggish. So I think I'll take a late-day nap. Or maybe just go to bed at 6:30. Either way, I need to rest.

Health Studies RULE!

I signed up to be in a gall bladder/pregnant lady health study. Here's why studies are cool:

1. You get extra health care coverage that others don't. Case in point: I get THREE ultrasounds when most people only get one. I'll get one in my first trimester, when usually the only one you get is at 20 weeks (5 months).

2. You don't have to pay for said coverage and sometimes, they pay you. For me, I'll have to get my blood drawn three times, and I'll get paid for two of them. Probably only ten bucks, but it's more than I had so... why not?

3. You might learn something. For example, maybe I'll learn if I have a future of gall stones or if my future is stone-free. (I do what I want) Tell me if you got that reference.

In all, I think I'm racking up pretty good. They ask a few questions, stick a few needles, but overall I get extra "baby" pictures that others don't get plus a little insight into the functions of the pregnant lady gall bladder. Who could ask for more?

So tomorrow I'll give them a call and make my appointment for the first ultra-sound. I can't wait to see my little peanut for the first time!

Trip the Life Barf-tastic

Okay, so flying during the eighth week is not recommended by this pregnant mom-to-be.

There isn't anything particularly unhealthy about it, but air travel is always more fun when people aren't watching you while you utilize the well-placed barf bag. It happened on two separate flights, on two separate days. The good news? I can get it all in the bag and not splash anyone or anything. The bad news? Since I'm not "showing" yet, people don't know whether I'm pregnant or drunk. And I saw enough head shaking to think most of them thought I was hammered.

Oh well! Trimester TWO should be better. Three more weeks to go until I get there, though.

Baby on Board: Flying at 8 Weeks

Tonight we board a Delta Airlines flight, the number of which I cannot remember, to head east. We're going "home" for Devlyn's birthday, to North Carolina, where nearly all of our friends and most of our family live.

I was excited about the prospect of doing this, especially before we discovered I was pregnant. We've had these tickets quite a while now. But now that things have, um, changed it makes everything kind of scary and strange. I don't like flying anyway, and I usually feel a twitter of yuck in my tummy when the plane takes off and when it lands. Now, however, I will be having baby twitters and motion twitters and it could lead to a disastrous use of the little baggie in the seat-back in front of me.

I'll let you know how it goes. And I'll try to stop using made-up words like "twitter" so much.

I'm a big fattie

For the first few weeks, one doesn't really feel "pregnant" so much as one feels simply "fat."

My clothes do not fit correctly, but not to the point where purchases must be made. I drink a ton of water, most of which I retain, so I feel bloated and unattractive. On top of all that, I am now working out with other pregnant women (part of the Army's program to increase wellness among its pregnant Soldiers) - most of whom have very obviously pregnant bellies (even the smaller ones).

But today, I felt pregnant for real. It was the first time I actually went to the toilet for the purpose of puking. Thankfully, I did not. I hate throwing up so much that I cannot comprehend the concept of bulimia. Voluntarily puking is like saying, "Purple trees taste like licorice....but only on Wednesdays." It just doesn't make sense to me.

I guess it's all starting to settle in. I looked for maternity clothes today at the mall. Let me tell you, it was a waste of time. The girls in the stores all said I should shop at Lane Bryant. Wow. Talk about a real pick-me-up after thinking all week that I was fat and that pregnancy is just fatness that is allowed by society. Yuck. So, I will probably wait until my pants must remain unbuttoned and/or unzipped for me to wear them comfortably. I have seen things somewhat like a tube top that you can put around your waist for the purpose of holding your pants up should you choose to wear them unbuttoned and unzipped. I guess that's for those really awesome jeans that make my butt look great. I should probably buy a pair first...

At any rate, the pregnancy is beginning to feel like one. Just in time for my embryo to stop looking like a "squirrel" and start becoming more tadpole or even baby gerbil-looking! Gestation is a beautiful thing...until it gives you indigestion.

Cheerios are almost magical

Nausea has set in. Day and night. No puking yet, but I feel it's only a matter of time.

Enter the Cheerios.

I have a box right by my bed, so I can munch on them right when I wake up, or if I wake up in the middle of the night. Or right before bed. Or when I just walk by...

Okay, so it's not THAT bad. But it does actually help. I learned that the majority of issues with nausea and morning sickness in general is drastic drops in blood sugar. Or drastic increases. So the point is to eat a little something all day. Thank goodness I'm already well-trained at that!

Eating for Two

I am delighted to know that I can eat for two. Although the second one is only about a half-inch long and looks (as my husband described) "like a squirrel." So I'm really only entitled to about 300 more calories per day than usual. I tend to do that by accident anyway, so I really shouldn't change my eating habits just yet.

Except for one very important thing: there is stuff that I like to eat that I cannot eat while pregnant. I guess I already knew it, but I sort of conveniently forgot. Now that I "remember" it really sucks.

I like bologna sandwiches. But according to a couple of online articles, lunch meat has a higher risk for e.coli and other forms of bacteria (which pregnant women are more susceptible to catching than other folks). Also, I cannot eat sushi and pretty much seafood in general should be taken with caution. Fish get stuff from the water that can be passed on to me and my baby. So, seafood is out (and I was thinking about crab legs earlier)! The really crazy paranoid one (which I probably won't obey) is that I shouldn't eat peanut butter and other types of food that are potentially allergenic in case my baby may be allergic to it in the future. Really? That's what the articles said.

I guess it's no different from being on a fad diet. Except if I don't follow this one with some strictness, I might kill or otherwise maim my unborn embryo (not a fetus yet). I still cannot resist the temptation, however, to use said embryo as an excuse for a second helping.

"The baby's hungry," I say before I munch away.

The day I knew

WARNING: Contents in this blog may be graphic and way too personal for the average reader. But if you're curious about how I knew that I was pregnant, here's how.

I knew what was up when my boobs started hurting (more than the little twinge before a period), and when I had to pee every five minutes regardless of the amount of water I'd had to drink, and the final clue was when my period was about 5 days late. I said to myself, "This is it." But I waited another 2 days to take the home pregnancy test.

And it was positive.

So, a few days later, to alleviate my husband's paranoia that it wasn't "real," I went to the clinic to have blood drawn for a serum test. One hour later, I was still pregnant but now had a due date: 9 January.

Our anniversary is 12 January so we'll have a new bundle just in time for our seven-year itch to begin!