The Male of the Species

I have often found it sort of sad that my dear, sweet husband (who is otherwise there for me at every turn) just seems to check out during my pregnancies.  I thought, the first time, that it was because he was afraid of fatherhood.  He confirmed as much in a few different conversations we'd had.  However, I thought maybe this time (now that he's conquered "fatherhood" quite well) he'd be a little more excited about pregnancy number two and the impending birth of a son.

Turns out, men tend to see their pregnant wives in a whole different way.  Pregnancy is like a "Keep Off the Grass" sign to the men.  My husband describes it as a feeling of waiting to have his wife back.  Now, while he is thrilled and excited about the birth of his second child and knows full well he can rock being a superdad a second time, he is not excited to know about every inner working of my changing body, the growth of our boy, if that distortion on my belly is an elbow or a knee, the exact expansion rate of my ribcage, how our son's head is pressing on my bladder, or that he has relentless hiccups that keep me up at night.

It's a perspective issue.  We mommies see the pregnancy as a miracle unto itself.  The changes our bodies undergo to support the growing life inside us, the way we were perfectly formed to carry out the mission of developing and giving birth to a new life, the way we were built to nurture this new life with our perfectly formulated, natural, wholesome milk supply, and so on.

To daddies, the true miracle begins after the baby has entered the outside world.  To them, it's a miracle that such a tiny thing will grow to be a real person someday.  It's a miracle that his wife has done such an amazing thing as childbirth.  It's a miracle that someday she'll look like her old self (God-willing, anyway).  It's a miracle that, despite all the hustle-bustle that often occurs after birth (especially in a hospital), that he can't focus on anything but that tiny little baby and his radiant wife, who is now a mother (and this reminds him that he is a FATHER!!).  And, of course, it's a miracle to the new daddy that he is able to function with so little sleep once baby and mommy come home with him!

I don't feel so sad about it now.  I understand that men see pregnancy and childbirth as secret clubs for women, and that no matter how much we try to make them a part of the whole process, all they really want to do is be present, holding our hands, telling us we're doing great (while simultaneously wondering if he's doing great), secretly wondering if we're in agonizing pain and why he can't make it better, and ultimately kissing us and holding their progeny in complete awe.

The miracle and the mystery is for us mommies to enjoy.

Gender Prediction via Old Wives' Tales

As a mother of a girl who is now carrying a boy, there are definitely some differences between them.  But how reliable are those old wives' tales we've all heard about?  Numerous websites exist to help you "predict" your unborn child's gender.  Consider the following:

• Take a quiz to predict your baby's gender at BabyGenderPrediction.com or Parents.com (but be advised, some of the quizzes are tedious and may ask things you might not know, like how overweight or underweight you were before pregnancy or during it)
• Before you even conceive, Pregnancy-Info will tell you what to do to ensure conception of a boy or girl
• Chinese Birthday Calendars, which use your age and the month of conception to predict the sex, can be found anywhere online - here's one at WebWomb.com (it says I'm having a girl... ha ha)

Then there are the other things one typically hears during pregnancy:

• Carrying high = girl, carrying low = boy (although I've heard it the opposite way also)
• Shiny, glossy hair and strong nails, little to no morning sickness = boy, looking and feeling like crap = girl - supposedly, because girls steal their mothers' beauty (for me it was the other way around - I had the shiny hair the first time with my girl and this time more breakouts and nails that break at the drop of a hat - AND I was way more nauseated with my son)
• 140+ bmp fetal heart rate = girl, lower HR = boy (this one was true for me)
• Craving sweets = girl, craving sour/salty foods = boy (this was SO not the case for me)
• Here's one I never heard before (and have not tried): The Drano Test.  Pee in a cup, pour in a tablespoon of Drano (yes, the stuff you unclog drains with) and watch to see if it changes color.  In theory, green = girl, and blue = boy.
• Legendary Mayan prediction methods are to look at the age of the mother at conception and the year of conception.  If both are even or both odd, it's a girl.  If one is even and the other is odd, it's a boy. (again, this would make my child a girl, so I'm not sure how accurate it is)
• A VERY old tradition is to take off your wedding ring and tie it to a string.  Hang in front of your belly.  If the ring tick-tocks like a pendulum, it's a girl.  If it goes around in a circular motion, it's a boy.

Two things I had not heard before, but I've confirmed this with several friends, are the power of dreams and the amount of fetal movement.  As I mentioned in a previous blog, I had dreams about having a boy this time around and was not surprised to confirm it on ultrasound.  However, the other thing I've noticed is that my squirmy son pretty much NEVER stops moving.  I can still tell when he's sleeping because the movements are slower, less frequent, and smaller.  Still, he moves.  Like he's tossing and turning!  And when he's awake, Lord help me.  My entire abdomen changes shape.  He pokes, grabs, punches, kicks, stretches, and (I think) jumps rope with his umbilical cord.

Everyone I've talked to who also had boys noticed this excessive fetal movement as well.  So, I would guess that it can be another "wives' tale" to add to the list.

Of course, all of these gender prediction methods should be taken as entertainment or fun only.  The really sure way to tell if it's a boy or girl is the post-20-weeks ultrasound or amniocentesis.  Or, of course, if you are waiting for the surprise... birth!

Pre-school?

I got two notes when I picked my daughter up from daycare today.  The first one was an injury report - she had scratches on her face from a little boy in her class.  The daycare center is not permitted to name the other child in the incident, but E totally ratted him out.  She pointed at him and said, "He did it!"  Luckily, I'm not one of "those moms" who tries to wait out the parent of the offending child so I can say something to him or her.  No, because I know my own child is the instigator.  And of course, she was today too.  She tried to take away his toy and was successful.  He tried to get it back, so she hit him.  Then he scratched her face.  End of scenario.

The second note I got was about putting her in the all-day pre-school class starting next week.  She's been doing much better with her potty training, so they decided that for her own development, she should really go to the pre-school class instead of the toddler class.  She will be in a room with three- and four-year-olds.  She turns three in January.  I am delighted at her intelligence and social development because this means she can engage the rapidly-growing part of her brain where language and math are emerging.  I'm also sad because my little girl is definitely no baby.

Pre-school!  Wow.  We're really moving up.

Out of the mouths of babes, bladder punches, and movies

If people listed things they never thought they'd hear their children say... wow, what a massive, hysterically funny, awkward, and embarrassing list that would be!  At the daycare where my daughter goes while I'm at work each day, they have a curriculum that requires observed behaviors be annotated on a periodic basis.  To make the process easier, the teachers have a "system" whereby the observer can just jot down a quick note on a sticky and slide it into a pocket labeled with the child's name.  Parents may look at these, but not remove them, as they are subsequently recorded on a more official-looking document later.

I read my daughter's observations.  And nearly died laughing.

1. "E was coloring a picture.  She took picture to teacher and said, 'Look! I drew a loofah!' - Vocabulary/Language Development"
2. "E was asked if she needed to use the potty.  She yelled 'NO!'  Teacher said, 'But if you don't use the potty, you might have an accident.'  E used the potty! :-) "
3. "E brought the toy phone to a teacher and said, 'It won't work.  It needs to be charged.' - Cognitive"

In news on my son, he moves quite a lot during the day, night, and in between.  At my last appointment (with an OB this time, rather than a midwife), the doctor could barely get him to hold still long enough to get a heart rate.  It was 147, which I thought to be kind of low, but he seemed unconcerned.  The most annoying thing he does is punch me in the bladder.  It isn't painful, but it is very unnerving.  It feels like a small electric shock or hitting your funny bone from the inside.  I dislike it, to say the very least.

In my quest to learn more about childbirth the natural way, I watched "The Business of Being Born," a documentary by Ricki Lake and Abby Epstein, which is available on Netflix Instant View.  What an eye-opening experience that one was!  Their research further confirms what I've read in Barbara Harper's "Gentle Birth Choices."  Statistically speaking, the U.S. is second to last among developed countries in infant and maternal mortality rates.  I want more and more to have a home birth, but I don't know if I want to mess with all the drama with changing my insurance to cover it, and then changing it back later.  Or if I can even do that.  I wonder how much is covered if I try to pay for a home birth outright with the kind of insurance I already have.

I was even more horrified after reading posts from My OB Said WHAT?!? a website that documents things obstetricians (and other medical specialists who deal with birth) said to their patients during their various examinations, when they asked questions, or during birth.  Sadly, even midwives are on there.

My first birth experience was by no means terrible.  But when I think back on the whole experience, oxygen mask on my face, being unable to really lead my own birth experience because I couldn't effectively tell when my contractions were coming - only when they were there, being unable to move, being catheterized, running out of drugs before the birth, having a baby that struggled to latch on to nurse, and watching her cry when they did all the "medical" stuff they do to babies these days, I just think there is a better way.  And the hospital I birthed in was pretty progressive in terms of giving moms more options, having midwives on the staff (a midwife delivered my baby), and even allowing women to labor (but not birth) in a tub.  So, the exploration of my options continues.

I turned down the Glucose Tolerance Test (GTT) at my 24 week appointment (I was 25 weeks, but no matter).  The doctor was shocked.  I hate the taste of that stuff, and really how reliable is a test that subjects you to an unnatural situation to see if your body can process that much sugar in an hour?  We'll see how well that one goes over at my next appointment.  It's with a midwife.

Over halfway, and yet...so far!

I am over halfway through this pregnancy.  When anxiously anticipating the arrival of a sweet new baby to your family, it is often quite difficult to be patient and allow the baby to grow at his own pace.  Yet, here I am, at only 22 weeks and 5 days, eagerly looking ahead.  And of course, my daughter, who is stirring from her nap in the next room, is only 33 months old (okay, okay, she's almost 3 years old) - and when I think of how we must raise our children to adulthood, we are SO far away from eighteen.

I am glad for that.  I hear of how my friends' children are in first grade, or how their baby who was born like yesterday is already ten weeks old.  My nephew, who is eleven, can now wear shoes in the men's department.  I don't want our lives to go so whirlwind-fast like that, but it cannot be slowed.  My eagerness to fast-forward to the birth of my son is unnecessary.  It will be here far too soon, far before we are ready, before his room is ready, before his big sister is ready, before winter is over, and I could go on.

But so much of our lives are spent waiting for the next hurdle to cross that we sometimes forget to enjoy the moment we are in.  I want more of my life to be about right now.  Tomorrow is great, but there are no guarantees.  What regret, to live a life for tomorrow and forget to experience today!

So now I listen for my daughter to come out of her room, ready to use the potty like a big girl, and I wonder if my son will be anything remotely like her.  Will we need re-training as parents so we can know how to raise our boy?  Ah, who cares?  That is still months away.  Right now my daughter needs me.  And that is more than enough!

It's a boy!

I never thought my dreams were really telling me anything until the ultrasound technician showed me a winkie on the screen, and I was not the least bit surprised to see it.  I have been having dreams for about the last 2 months about the sex of our unborn Deuce.  I have NOT EVEN ONCE dreamt he was a girl.

However, after preparing to ship keepsake clothing to my mom and donate the rest to charity (we can't store it anywhere here, and it may be quite a while before the next kid(s) come along), I've started having doubts about getting rid of them for fear that Deuce is really a girl and everyone was wrong, or that he has a twin sister hiding in there somewhere.  It is, of course, ridiculous, and I'm trying not to go nuts about it.  But there is something painful and final about packing away all of your baby girl's clothes that she can no longer wear and NOT save it for a future sibling.

I am really having a hard time letting this all go.

I am excited about my boy, though.  Luckily, we chose not to find out the sex of our firstborn, so we have plenty of unisex stuff to get us started, and I feel good about being able to use that stuff.  I am also quite unashamed to ask for free clothes from other families with older male children who don't need their baby clothes anymore.

But the bottom line remains.  I am certain I know how the mother feels when she sends those baby clothes away.  Wow, what an intense feeling!

Exploring my inner hippie

You can't braid my armpit hair because there is none.  I don't make my own granola because I tend to eat sugary cereals and "field hand breakfast" (eggs, bacon, toast, grits, yum).  I don't recycle because there's not a recycling company that will pick up the recycling in my neighborhood, but there is a dump less than a mile away.  I use disposable diapers, disposable razors, paper towels, and I get plastic grocery bags at the store because (more often than not) I forget my re-usable grocery bags at home or in the back of the car.

However, I'm considering something even "hippier" than ever before: homebirth.  Okay, okay, it's only considered off the grid because so many women have been trained over the course of their lifetimes to view hospital births (or even birthing center births) as the only acceptable, clean, healthy way to have a baby.  Arguments on the pro side of hospitals and birthing centers are:

• You are close to (or co-located with) immediate emergency medical services, should the need arise
• You have access to medications and services that cannot be provided to you at home
• You don't have to get halfway through trying to push, only to realize that you need medical help to get that baby out (and then have to get in the car to go to the hospital)
• Hospitals are cleaner than your house (okay, well definitely cleaner than my house!)

But then there are the cons:

• "Sterile" environment still may cause exposure to germs from other sick people in the hospital
• Environment is not comfortable (even if they try to make the rooms more "homey" by adding soft colors and wood paneling)
• You don't get the rest you need because there is too much activity in the room/hallway
• Sometimes medical interventions happen because the on-call OB is too busy to wait for you to have your baby in the time it takes to have your baby (not because there is a medical need for it)

So I started exploring waterbirth last week, just because it seemed like a good idea and the hospital on base here has a birthing tub.  You are created in a womb full of water (or watery stuff) and there you grow until you emerge into the world, where it is shockingly cold and bright, and people take you away from the only person you've ever known (Mama!) to go get on a cold scale, get goop put in your eyes, get a shot of vitamin K, and have like a million people you don't know all fussing about in your immediate area (cleaning up, checking vital signs, taking pictures, etc.).  No WONDER babies cry when they are born!

On the flip side, you can be born into water that is the same temperature as Mom's body, pulled up into her arms and cuddled right away, where you can nurse and be happy and cozy for a few minutes at least before they have to do all that measuring and vital sign checking and junk.  Slightly less traumatic, right?

But we live in Alaska now.  And our baby is due to be born in early February.  It will still be cold (and that is an understatement), and my major concern is how quickly our firstborn arrived.  Second children come faster.  What if we don't make it to the hospital?

So that is when the idea of homebirth popped into my head.  And I can do a home waterbirth because tubs can be rented for about $350, I can have whoever I want in the room, I can be in my own familiar surroundings with my own familiar germs (and nobody else's!), and go crawl into MY bed (which is a sleep-number bed, by the way) after birthing my child.  No flustering of random nurses or attending physicians to come check out the damage done by putting in a fetal monitor that came out halfway through the birth, cutting me on the way out.  No blasts of cold air from the door being fanned at every opportunity with the in-and-out of all the random people.  No lights, sounds, machines, etc.  Just our home sounds, which our unborn child will be familiar with already after having lived there (muffled by the amniotic fluid) for the past several months.

It is a lot to think about, but after doing some checking up with my provider, I think homebirth is covered under our insurance.  How neat.

Au naturale ala aqua?

Two things have been floating around in my head lately.

1. Should I have a totally natural (i.e., medication-free) birth?
2. Should I consider a water birth?

The hospital here on base has LDRP rooms, which means "Labor, Delivery, Recovery, and Postpartum."  This basically means that the room I go into from the beginning is mine until I leave the hospital.  Many hospitals have LDR but you have to go to a different room after the baby is born and cleaned up and given vitamin K and eye goop, and all that.  Another thing the hospital here has is a birthing tub.  You can labor in the tub and then get out to deliver (the last hospital I was in for my firstborn was this way).  But the difference here is, if you want to HAVE the baby in the tub, you can do that.

The major thing about doing a water birth is (once you get past the idea that you could potentially be sitting in your own "juices" for a while), you absolutely CANNOT do this with pain medication.  Although, from some of the research I've done, the water causes such relaxation in the mother that meds are not often required anyway.

The American Pregnancy Association had this to say about water birth: "Water seems to alleviate stress-related hormones, allowing the mother’s body to produce endorphins, which are pain-inhibitors."

Other websites I've found are:
http://www.waterbirth.org/
http://www.gentlebirth.org/
http://www.waterbirthinfo.com/benefits.html
http://www.naturalchild.org/guest/lakshmi_bertram.html

The other thing I've been thinking about is drug-free.  I had an epidural with my first, and it went quite well.  From the very first contraction I felt until baby-in-arms was a mere 21 hours, and from epidural to birth was only five hours.  Nothing slowed down, I still dilated as expected, and I only had to push for 15 minutes (which is SUPER fast for even veteran moms).  However, I am considering it just because I'd like to be able to be informed and say I've done it both ways, and this or that was the way I liked better.

It will be a tough decision, but a friend (who just had a med-free birth) recommended I watch "The Business of Being Born," a documentary by none other than Ricki Lake, which is available on Netflix instant view.  To join their online community of support, their website is available here.

Anyway, I have a lot to consider.  Luckily, I still have a few months to consider it!

A "dark" dawning thought

It just occurred to me; I will be giving birth to my child in the Arctic winter.  I didn't have postpartum depression last time, but that doesn't mean I'm immune to it.  Especially when there will be so, so little daylight in February.

In early February, the sun will rise at approximately 9:30am and set at approximately 4:30pm.  If I'm reading this daylight chart correctly.  Other websites show somewhere between 5 and 6 1/2 hours of daylight in early February.

Either way, I should probably learn more about ways to combat seasonal affective disorder (SAD) that are safe for new moms and new babies.  I need to figure out if having a UV-lamp in the house is okay.  Ah, the joys of Alaska living!

Bump-di-bump

Ah, sixteen weeks.  Deuce is a-kicking quite frequently now, and I forgot how surreal and somewhat unnerving it can be until one gets accustomed to the feeling again.  Equally unnerving is how prone to sudden bouts of nausea and (sometimes) vomiting I am even this late in the pregnancy.  Hopefully this week's checkup will assist with some of the questions I have about it.  More to follow, once I learn something.

Indeed, it is time to be excited about the coming little one.  Now that fetal movement is noticeable and more often than once a day, I can feel pretty good about the development going on inside my growing tummy.  Unfortunately, it isn't yet to the point of doing "kick counts" and other monitoring that is adviseable in later pregnancy.  Still, it's something to cheer about.

Not so much the growing belly and shouts from relatives and friends to see pictures posted on Facebook.  Cut it out.  Please.

Sixteen Candles

Sixteen weeks tomorrow, and I am still experiencing "the sickness."  This was the sixth time I disposed of a meal I really wanted.  And it wasn't eggs this time, although I've discovered "Deuce" really does not like eggs.  It was mac-and-cheese this time.  One of my favorites.  Sigh....

Some things I've learned about this pregnancy:

• Exhaustion lasts beyond the first trimester if you've got a lot going on
• Don't feel bad if you feel "fat" more than pregnant or if your stomach sticks out more than the lower gut (where the baby is) - it's because as the baby grows, your intestines get pushed up (and out) to make more room for baby; hence, the larger stomach area (and larger waist)
• If the baby doesn't want it, you can't have it (even if you want it)
• Exercise is SO important to help with the fatigue (burning energy makes more)
• Fruit and water in copious amounts STILL may not prevent constipation
• It's NOT okay to drink Senna tea (AKA laxative tea) - even though it works!
• It's okay to take Metamucil
• It's okay to take Glucosamine
• It's okay to take Calcium supplements
• It's okay if you feel old while taking a small handful of very large pills (seriously, like my grandma)
• Probably best to take all those at night along with the prenatal vitamin to avoid stomach upset

I'm thinking the vitamins are what upset my universe today.  I just started taking all these extra supplements after getting the green light from a certified nurse midwife (CNM) provider.  Before you do it, it's best to talk to your provider as well.  Everyone is different, and if your pregnancy is "special" (anything from being extra complicated to carrying multiples, being an older mom [over 35], being a very young mom [under 20], having a history of complications or health problems during pregnancy, etc.) it's smart to get advice from a health care practitioner and not the Internet.  And definitely not from a blog!

Lots of friends and acquaintances have had babies recently, and it makes me (sometimes) wish we'd stepped up our game a little and had our bundle a little sooner as well.  Our first will be three before Deuce arrives, which makes the age gap a little less than ideal for me.  However, she may also be mature enough to handle the arrival a little better than, say, a two- to two-and-a-half-year-old might.

I've also started breaking out the maternity wear.  It kind of happened suddenly, the need to wear maternity pants.  This is not so far-fetched as it might seem.  Around 15-16 weeks is the beginning of a growth spurt for the baby.  It goes from being only 3 inches long (crown to rump) to 4 1/2 inches long in just a week or two.   By the time the spurt is over (around week 20), baby will be 6 1/2 inches crown to rump, and about 10 inches head to toe!  Take a look at Baby Center's picture for a Week 16 baby.  In sticking with the tradition of comparing the developing fetus to various items in the produce aisle, this week Deuce is about the size of an avocado.

Also, because I'm in the military I get maternity uniforms to borrow for the duration of the pregnancy.  I picked those up last week and will start wearing them to work tomorrow.  It's really unfortunate I'm not allowed to wear just the pants.  My regular uniform shirt isn't really snug or ill-fitting yet, but the maternity top looks like a tent.  Uniform regulations require that I wear the pants and top together, though.  So I'll be wearing a tent until baby Deuce fills it out.  Which, if memory serves, won't take long.  Even though weeks 16-20 only span about one month, that is the duration of one of the biggest growth spurts for the baby, and usually when the "bump" turns into a tell-tale "belly."

I'm actually excited about that part.

Thirteen-five with some un-fun attributes

Amnesia.  That is what people say women have when they choose to have another baby.  I say, it's what you have during the pregnancy with the second baby.  I didn't forget what everything was like UNTIL I got pregnant.  I forgot that my morning sickness lasted into the fourteenth week (THANK YOU BLOG), and I forgot that I had gotten to actually SEE my little one at 12 weeks and not just hear a heartbeat.  Trying not to be too sad about that one.

We will get to see Deuce on September 13.  It seems like forever but it won't be long.  I am pretty excited about that day, though.  And getting pictures!!!

One thing that is happening now that did not happen last time is the perpetual constipation and, um, hemorrhoids that go along with it.  I feel like an old woman.  I feel like crying when I have to poop.  Sometimes I do.  I eat whole grains and cereals, fresh fruits and veggies, and drink copious amounts of water.  All to no avail.  The website I mainly go to for information, BabyCenter, has a tendency to make me nervous about bleeding and that I should call my practitioner immediately.  At ten o'clock at night!

Some other helpful (or not) advice I've seen is that I should not lift my 30+ pound toddler anymore.  Wow.  Someone should have told me that I would have to be a negligent mother to my first-born in order to have a second-born.  I feel so terrible!  How could I not pick up and squeeze my little cutie?

For the most part, I think discretion is everything.  As in, leave it to your own.  If you feel weird about something, ask someone.  If you feel okay, why stress over it if someone else says it's not okay?  Who makes other moms the subject-matter-experts on anything but themselves and their own pregnancies?  Now, if your doctor or midwife says, "Um, NO," then I would probably resist the temptation to be defiant.  But these websites are not created by doctors.  The good idea fairy bit one of them who said, "You know what we should do?  Make a website for pregnant women and new moms."  Thus, the website is born.  Now, professionals do consult on these sites, so all the information is not invalid.  However, you will find that some vast portions of medical information are cut-and-pasted directly from WebMD or other reputable sites.

So it's still not a hundred percent fun being pregnant yet.  I'm sure the second trimester (which will be here in just a few days) will lead to a wonderful change in my mood, my overall wellbeing, and my outlook.  For now, I keep checking for movement (I think I have actually felt it already since I know what I'm looking for), and trying to "feel" pregnant as much as possible.  Other than not being able to fasten my pants anymore.

Cross-continental driving and toddler regression

One thing I do NOT recommend while 8-11 weeks pregnant is driving.  Across the entire continent of North America.  With a husband and toddler.  For two weeks.

Okay, let me rephrase.  If you decide to do this, oh-pregnant-one, YOU will be doing most of the driving, just to avoid the nausea associated with being in a car that you are not busy controlling.  We took a 4,000+ mile trip from the state of Georgia to the state of Alaska.  It took us about 13 total driving days.  It was brutal, exhausting, uncomfortable, and most of all - just not much fun.

Additionally, the confusion of being uprooted from home and subsequently spending one night in a different hotel or house along the way has completely rebooted our toddler's potty-training skills to zero.  If we are persistent with getting her on the potty at set times of day, sometimes we get lucky and get a pee or poop in the toilet.  Mostly, we're spending our precious pennies on more and more Pull-Ups.  We had gotten her down to just two per day.  Now, it's a good day if we only use six.

Regression is a big part of toddlerhood when significant emotional events occur.  By "significant emotional event" I mean anything from moving homes to moving rooms, switching to a big kid bed from the crib, birth of a sibling, or loss of a close relative (even though they are too young to understand the permanence of death, kids are very perceptive and understand the sense of loss felt by those around them).  They don't really have ways of dealing with emotions other than the typical toddler outbursts and... well, wetting or pooping themselves.

To be fair, as frustrating as it is, it's hard to really feel angry about it.  I mean, for the first two years of her life, it has been perfectly okay for her to poop and pee in a diaper.  The Pull-Up, for all intents and purposes, probably doesn't feel any different to her.  The major difference is that she steps into it rather than having us fold it up around her, and even that isn't required because they detach at the sides.  So, once we get in a house (still in a hotel now), we intend to put her in cotton training pants that will very clearly feel different to her hind parts.  Wetness will be no secret.  And, to our dismay, neither will be the poop.

As for my ongoing pregnancy, we're at week twelve now.  Hoping for the nausea to subside.  I have been able to eat a little more.  Still mostly soup.  The joys of soup!  So complete a meal, and I don't have to chew it.  That makes such a huge difference to a woman who feels nausea emerge just because of the surge in saliva that accompanies pregnancy.  But, last night I had a dream that our ultrasound revealed a boy.  A whole new wave of emotions will go along with that one!  But that is for another time.

Happy driving, training, and whatever else you might be doing!

As if I didn't know better....

My previous pregnancy had me yukking it up on a plane at eight weeks (not in the sense that you're having a good time cajoling and whatnot with your neighbor, but rather that you are experiencing what lunch tastes like in reverse).  I should have learned my lesson then.  However, silly me, I've chosen to be on airplanes yet again.  At seven-and-a-half weeks, I managed to survive all the way through take-off and landing a few times, but alas... did not survive the last landing without tossing it.

During the last pregnancy, I vomited eleven times total.  I'm pretty sure I can survive without as many pukings this time.  Of course, the large part of it is managing my intake of carbs and other sugars, protein (ah, blessings), and not doing silly stuff like texting or reading while passengering in a car.  Motion sickness (turns out) plays a rather large part in the general nausea.  I've read that if you are prone to getting motion sick, you will also have the pleasure (probably) of experiencing morning sickness.

Morning sickness is not an automatic sign things are going swimmingly, so if you don't get it just count your blessings (and fetal kicks, when you can feel them) and be happy.  About 50% of women have both nausea and vomiting, 25% have just nausea, and 25% have neither.  Ginger helps, but B6 is even better (although you can't have too much of it because it could cause problems).  One thing I swear by is taking the prenatal vitamin close to bedtime.  As long as you've eaten within the past 2 hours, your stomach still has enough gunk to help it break down without irritating your stomach.  It's always good to take it with a glass of milk if you're able to do that.  The extra calcium is a bonus, plus milk soothes the tummy as well.

Tummy soothing is about the best thing a girl can ask for these days.

Six-and-a-half weeks

Week six is upon us. I'm happy to report that I have no morning sickness yet, but just to be prepared I bought a jar of sushi ginger to chew on. Ginger is the best way to combat the nausea. Okay, second-best. EATING is the best way to combat the nausea. Eat a little and eat it often.

At six weeks, "Deuce" (our nickname for our number two baby) looks like this. Kind of like a manatee. The neat thing about that site is if you have Java, you can click on a 3-D rotatable image as well. Or, you can pop on a pair of 3-D glasses and look at the image like that. Pretty neat.

We are starting to think of baby names now, and my mother will be glad to know that we've decided to find out the sex of this baby. If it's a girl, we shouldn't really need anything new besides diapers and wipes. If it's a boy, we'll need a whole new wardrobe. I'm hoping to count on my husband's brother for this one since they have two boys.

No matter what, we're looking forward to being parents again. It will be an adventure to say the least. Aside from the poop, pee, vomit, crying, lack of sleep, and complete dependence of the baby, we'll also have the jealousy, anger, betrayal, acting-out, and behavioral and emotional regression of our older child. Ah, but such is life.

Sleep, how I love thee

"Pregnancy Brain" has already set in. This is when you forget where you've put your keys because you're holding them in your hand or you write everything down because you know you can't remember ANYTHING... and then misplace the paper/notebook/etc. where you wrote it all.

Being in the military means you have to pull out your ID card for every little thing. To come on base, to pick up prenatal vitamins from the pharmacy, to check in for an appointment at the hospital or clinic, to eat lunch in the dining facility, to buy stuff from the commissary... really, EVERYTHING. So my first experience with pregnancy brain came when I checked in for an appointment. The clerk took my ID card AND GAVE IT BACK TO ME while we were holding a conversation about said appointment. I asked him for my ID back, and he just looked at me with the, "Are you really serious or are you just messing with me?" face. He calmly replied that he already did, so I had to check my wallet. It, of course, was there.

That's not the end. I sat down and flipped through a magazine and got the sudden intense feeling that I had misplaced my ID card (which I would need again when I saw the people in the lab downstairs to supply them with six tubes of blood and a cup of urine for various tests). So I pulled out my wallet AGAIN to check for it. Perhaps ten minutes had elapsed between checking the wallet for my ID.

I guess there is a lot going on in our lives right now, so that is part of it, I'm sure. Pregnancy brain is a huge thing you deal with while pregnant, though. I couldn't remember from last time that it started this early. Another thing I forgot about was how early I went to bed.

Apparently, during my first pregnancy I went to bed between 8:30 and 9:00 routinely. I questioned my husband about this when he made fun of me for it the other day. Now, during Game One of the NBA finals, I approached him and said, "I'm tired. I'm thinking of going to bed." He laughed and pointed at the clock. It was 9:10. I'm now toughing it out so I can try to pretend I will watch the game until half time. But for the most part, I'm probably half-asleep as I write this, and will not likely make it to the beginning of the second quarter.

Now, where is my ID card?

Potty-Training Continues

E has been working on using the potty for a couple of months now. We at first intended to use Toilet Training in Less than a Day by Azrin and Foxx. It is a clinically-researched method to train (believe it or not) profoundly mentally retarded adults into being able to use the toilet unassisted. The authors did further research with both mentally retarded and normal children and found the tactics worked really well. It involves using a doll that wets with its own toilet (those things are EXPENSIVE) and lots of praise and treats.

We did the effort for a day or two but found it really frustrating when she simply refused to participate. We decided instead that she could figure it out on her own if we just kept encouraging her. And she has gone 3 full days without pooping in her Pull-up and is now down to just two Pull-ups a day. Almost time to start using big girl panties! We're so excited. However, potty training in itself has been an adventure.

Things I had NO idea I would be dealing with when potty-training a two-year-old:

• Intense fear of the automated flush-toilets in public restrooms
• Intense fear of the hand dryers in public restrooms
• Musical potty - the inability of the child to decide whether to use the child potty or the "big potty"
• Being cheered on by my daughter when I used the bathroom
• The crazy comments I would hear

To elaborate, E screams like you are trying to kill her if there are hand dryers in the bathroom. She has now begun calmly stating, "We don't use the dryer," instead, which is a relief. However, the flush toilets cannot be bargained with. She abandoned my mother in a public bathroom when the automatic flush activated while Mom was still using the toilet. E unlocked the stall and left my mother, pants around ankles, with the stall standing wide open.

She alternates between using the "big potty" - the one that is generally found in bathrooms - and her training toilet. Sometimes she wants to sit on the toilet rather than the potty, which often requires some adult supervision, if not full on support. However, her interest in doing well is taking over, so we adapt. The most alarming things have been when she comes in while I'm on the toilet.

She has said the following (either to me or about her own efforts):

• "Let me see, Mama." (when I've been on the toilet)
• "Good job, Mama!" (when I get up)
• "Ooooh, that's a Biiiiig Poop!" (for her own efforts as well as... yes, mine)
• "We go pee in the potty and not on the floor." (internalizing our comments to her after she peed on her bedroom floor one night)

Overall, it's been quite a fun ride. I think she'll get better and better as we go along, and I am so glad to know we won't have two in diapers at the same time!

The Deuce

We haven't really decided what to nickname our "number two child" but we ARE expecting again, and it's such a delight to know I get the privilege of reliving the experience. We only just discovered we were growing a new little sprout, so we're expecting a February delivery.

E has been informed that she will become a big sister, but of course, as it often is for 2-year-olds, reality has not yet sunk in. We're looking forward to coaching her into the idea along the way. Especially as Mommy's shape changes!

The first thing that really came to mind when I first learned of the pregnancy was how incredibly exhausting the first few weeks really are. I've taken naps nearly every day for the past week. I first had an inkling when, in the shower, I noticed my breasts were really firm. As we age, the tautness of youth tends to... well, not be there anymore. So anyway, it was pretty different. Then of course, the frequent urination was another hint. And of course, the more obvious missed period. Although, to be honest, I was already sure by the time I was two days late (TWO DAYS!!!) and took a test.

So here we are, and blood tests confirmed it. The online EDD calculator I found at BabyCenter gave us a 2 February date, but since it is an inexact science, I'm thinking it will be about a week or so later. We'll see!!!

With parenthood, marriage, and career all hanging in the balance, I don't know how dutiful I will be to updating this blog, but I will surely do my best to keep the notes coming. Every pregnancy is different (not just for each woman, but for each pregnancy), so I'm looking forward to the changes that will come with this new life.

Intelligence

So you never really know what you're dealing with as far as intelligence goes until it is demonstrated so plainly that there is no question. We're dealing with a genius. No doubt about it. This child is incredibly smart. By 18 months, she already knew her alphabet. She knew all of her primary, secondary, and tertiary colors by 22 months, as well as how to count to ten. My sister even taught her the shapes beyond the typical circle, square, triangle (stuff she knew since about 18 months) and taught her octagon, hexagon, and trapezoid.

Tonight, she yet again wowed me with her ability to think in more abstract ways. I told her, as per our usual bedtime routine, to go pick out ONE book.

She chose the one with five stories in it. Little stinker!

Single Parenting...

...Even on the temporary (which is the case for me), is INCREDIBLY hard!

Every spouse who stays at home with their children while their Soldier/Sailor/Airman/Marine is deployed for a year or more, every mom or dad who has to go it alone for one reason or another, I salute you! After walking a mile in those shoes after a mere 3 months of it, I realize that single parents have the hardest job of anyone.

They also have great time management skills, can multitask like nobody's business, and probably live on like 18 minutes of sleep a night.

To all you single moms and dads out there (whether by marital status or geographical location), YOU ROCK.

Sibling Needed

Our toddler is adorable. A biased mother can say so. And even though I hear her talking to herself, her toys, me, her imagination, or the cats from inside her bedroom when she should be sleeping, I know deep down I cannot be upset with this child just yet. One thing, however, is very clear to me: she needs a sibling. And soon.

Sharing is something she's learned at daycare, but at home she believes that everything is hers (perception is reality, of course, because EVERYTHING seems to be hers). She acts less polite, more unruly, and more defiant at home. At daycare, her teachers report that she's a marvel, a wonder, well-behaved, well-read, and highly entertaining to them and the rest of her peers. She LOVES to be the center of attention.

This, however, is also a problem. More than just a personality trait, if this child isn't the center of attention ALL THE TIME, I fear she'll become destructive and engage in behaviors totally unbecoming of her (and totally embarrassing for me). Therefore, she must have a sibling. Besides, I love my sister and am so glad to have her. She needs a brother or sister, too. Like, now.

Let the planning phase begin!

E is TWO

Two years ago today, E was born. She is our first child. She is probably the most wonderful, creative, imaginative, perfect representations of both my husband's and my best (and worst) qualities.

With toddlerhood (and more importantly, two-year-old-ness), comes the magic word we have come to understand as "NO!" No nap, no lunch, no milk, no clean up, no Mama, no Daddy, no come here, no bye-bye, no-no-no-no-no. All of these are fashionable for a toddler to try on. The best we can hope for is that she will tire of it quickly.

The majority of her antics are on full display around naptime or bedtime. These are some of the more creative adventures we've had in recent weeks with our very own "little monster" :

• While my mother (who snores) was lying down beside E to help her fall asleep, my mom accidentally fell asleep also. On the first snore to escape Mom's lips, E sat BOLT UPRIGHT in bed and (very seriously) asked, "Who farted?"
• When she was supposed to be napping, my mom went to check on her and caught her sitting with her back to the door. When asked what she was doing, E responded, "E is a bad girl." On closer inspection, she'd taken all of my mother's post-it notes (like 24 pads) out of cellophane and began sticking them all over everything in sight.
• When she was supposed to be in bed, we found her asleep on the floor, with a sock on one hand, a boot on one foot, and the other foot bare.
• On waking from a nap, she yelled down the hall from her room (which is protected with a baby gate). She wanted to be taken out, so she yelled, "Anybody? Hello? I want to get out of this gate."

E is quite a little charmer as well, and has tried everything to prolong the bedtime routine. She asks for the cliche "drink of water" as well as for "just one more book," and has also been more direct in stating that she wanted to "go back in there [living room] and play with toys."

Her speech is quite amazing for someone so small, and her vocabulary is vast and rapidly expanding. She says some of the craziest things, like, "Oh, my Lo-o-ord!" and "Careful, Mama!" when you have to hit the brakes really hard in the car because of other maniacs on the road. She is also a backseat driver, telling me when there's a red light, and that it means stop.

She is a clever little one, and definitely the most fun and challenging little thing I've yet faced. Can't wait for the rest of this year and whatever is next!