Relocation

We are a military family.  For those who don't know, one of the biggest challenges faced ROUTINELY by military families is the instability created from frequent moves.  Often, these moves can be from one side of the country, or even the world, to the other.  In the last two years, we have had a deployment, a move from Washington to Georgia, and a move from Georgia to Alaska.  Now, we are scheduled to move from Alaska to Maryland in a matter of days.  The impact of such changes can be brutal to a child.

For example, our daughter was (sort of) potty trained while we lived in Georgia.  Then, somewhere between packing up, spending time in North Carolina and Virginia with relatives, and driving across half the US and Canada before arriving in (no kidding) North Pole, Alaska, she became "untrained" all over again.  It took months to recover, and she still has some inexplicable and VERY preventable accidents.  Case in point, about a month ago, she stated she needed to use the potty, then proceeded to stand in front of it on her stool with her pants down, and pee on herself rather than just SIT DOWN on the toilet that was touching the back of her thighs as she stood there.  Infuriating!

This next move will be no less than a logistical nightmare.  We have two cats, two children, two adults, a car, and a house full of stuff to move over 4,000 miles.  We are splitting the family to accommodate all of our needs as best we can.  My husband and daughter will go first, with the cats, house-hunting and visiting with all our east-coast relatives.  The baby boy and I will remain behind to tie up loose ends and so I can continue to nurse him.  I also must face the incredibly challenging, expensive, and yet important task of shipping frozen breast milk east.  It will likely cost over $100 to send a mere 48 ounces of frozen milk over that great distance.  But it's like gold to me.  I literally get teary-eyed when I have to pour out even two ounces that the boy didn't finish at daycare.  Could you imagine tossing 8 full feedings' worth?

Our daughter has shown great resilience in these challenges with moving.  With the exception of the pee and poop accidents (that have seemed to dwindle down to a rare occurrence - mostly due to distraction), she has been able to adapt well to all the changes.  I wonder if her baby brother will be able to show the same kind of resilience?  Well, he is only 3 months old.  He won't remember.  But she will.  I wonder how she'll be able to face the loss of her friend, a little boy a few months younger than she is, whom we'll visit for the last time today?

Co-sleeping and the can of worms

The can of worms...

Everyone has an opinion about whether or not sharing a room with a newborn is wise, safe, and healthy. But I must clarify... Co-sleeping means simply sharing a room, while bed-sharing (also known as family beds) is a sub-component of rooming in. Most people think of sharing a bed when they hear co-sleeping being discussed.

Here's my opinion and why I have it.  Co-sleeping (as in, rooming in) is a fantastic idea for newborns.  Nursing on demand coupled with new babies and trying to get acquainted with one another, learn what their cries mean, and all that goes with newbornism make it more practical for rooming in for those early days.  However, bed-sharing is an absolute no-no.  I say this with the caveat that I admit to falling asleep while nursing my son in bed.  However, he has never spent an entire night in our bed and neither has our daughter.  Mostly it is not for the fear of suffocation or any reason that is most frequently listed by most anti-bed-sharing folks.

Simply stated, I do not want to create a monster that will take over my sleeping space.  I paid a lot of money for my fantastic Sleep Number bed, and I don't want to share it with my little ones.  Selfish?  Not really.  I have given them each their own sleeping spaces, and I want them to use it.  I mean, siblings just don't get made when the other kids are sharing your bed every night.  At least, not in my world.

Children are very keen on adapting to change.  Good or bad.  They can and will adapt to being in a different room from the parents.  Just as, if given the chance to sleep in your bed every night (or even just when they are sick), they will adapt to that so that breaking the habit becomes more and more difficult.  Bottom line, a five-year-old simply does not need to be in bed with his/her parents.  I want my children to be individuated, independent, self-confident, etc.  Although I will not say that these traits cannot be imparted among children who sleep in a "family bed," I will say it's much easier to identify these traits among kids who have their own space.

Now, if you choose to comment on this blog, be nice.  This is just my opinion and why I choose this option among all child-rearing options out there.  Nobody is making you do it too.

Pre-school?

I got two notes when I picked my daughter up from daycare today.  The first one was an injury report - she had scratches on her face from a little boy in her class.  The daycare center is not permitted to name the other child in the incident, but E totally ratted him out.  She pointed at him and said, "He did it!"  Luckily, I'm not one of "those moms" who tries to wait out the parent of the offending child so I can say something to him or her.  No, because I know my own child is the instigator.  And of course, she was today too.  She tried to take away his toy and was successful.  He tried to get it back, so she hit him.  Then he scratched her face.  End of scenario.

The second note I got was about putting her in the all-day pre-school class starting next week.  She's been doing much better with her potty training, so they decided that for her own development, she should really go to the pre-school class instead of the toddler class.  She will be in a room with three- and four-year-olds.  She turns three in January.  I am delighted at her intelligence and social development because this means she can engage the rapidly-growing part of her brain where language and math are emerging.  I'm also sad because my little girl is definitely no baby.

Pre-school!  Wow.  We're really moving up.

Sibling Needed

Our toddler is adorable. A biased mother can say so. And even though I hear her talking to herself, her toys, me, her imagination, or the cats from inside her bedroom when she should be sleeping, I know deep down I cannot be upset with this child just yet. One thing, however, is very clear to me: she needs a sibling. And soon.

Sharing is something she's learned at daycare, but at home she believes that everything is hers (perception is reality, of course, because EVERYTHING seems to be hers). She acts less polite, more unruly, and more defiant at home. At daycare, her teachers report that she's a marvel, a wonder, well-behaved, well-read, and highly entertaining to them and the rest of her peers. She LOVES to be the center of attention.

This, however, is also a problem. More than just a personality trait, if this child isn't the center of attention ALL THE TIME, I fear she'll become destructive and engage in behaviors totally unbecoming of her (and totally embarrassing for me). Therefore, she must have a sibling. Besides, I love my sister and am so glad to have her. She needs a brother or sister, too. Like, now.

Let the planning phase begin!