Discipline and Bonding

24 Weeks, 2 Days
Ear of Corn


Part of the fun of pregnancy is knowing that my young'un is moving and growing. These size estimates, however, are a little off (in my opinion). I think this one is bigger. My uterus should be the size of a soccer ball, and the top should be about an inch above my belly button. However, I am easily feeling movement 2 inches above my belly button, and I feel the space is shrinking really fast in there. Maybe it's because I'm short-statured, or because I have a short torso. Maybe my child is enormous. Who knows? I won't have another ultrasound (unless someone considers there to be a major reason to do so). I guess we'll see when I have my next midwife appointment.


My eldest has recently undergone a few disciplinary problems at school. I'm not sure what is happening, but we've realized that there seems to be about a 6-month cycle of limit-testing behavior. She is very well-behaved the rest of the time, but for a couple of weeks every 6 months or so, she goes through a phase of "bad choices." Lots of them. First, she punched another kid in the stomach because he wasn't listening to her on the playground. Likely, she was trying to dictate to him how he should play. Next, she broke another kid's newly-constructed Lego toy. Most recently, she disobeyed a teacher by locking a bathroom door after being explicitly told not to. She was supposed to test for her yellow belt at Taekwondo this week, but we decided she was not ready "on the inside." At the beginning of each class, the students recite a creed and 5 tenets, with very clear values about character-building, integrity, self-control, commitment to friendship, and a variety of other values that I can totally get on board with. Even though she knows her form and can do a very good job with the skills she has learned, we explained to her that she must be ready on the outside AND on the inside, by living the values expressed in the student's creed and 5 tenets. She was heartbroken, and it killed us to do it, but we couldn't just let it go.


We think this pattern of behavior is a developmentally appropriate thing, whereby she tests limits as she masters more skills and reaches higher levels of independence. She wants to know where the boundaries are. She wants to feel secure that, no matter what, the rules haven't suddenly changed on her. Nevertheless, it's hard on us parents to have to constantly be the "bad guys" and enforce disciplinary actions we really, really do not like to enforce. I'm the first to admit that sometimes I hope they make bad choices so I can remove a privilege I'm not really into that day anyway (e.g., going to the public swimming pool with them). However, skipping out on stuff that makes us insanely proud (e.g., yellow belt test) is an otherworldly experience devoid of satisfaction. The only positive thing I can say about it, is that the instructor totally backed us up and had, in fact, prevented his own two children from testing for a far less serious offense (not finishing their homework). So, there's that!


Lately, J and Hubs have been bonding more and more. They have found mutual joy in the game entitled "Plants vs. Zombies 2" (but little dude is overly obsessed with it, so I'm not thrilled about it). However, they have also found time to play tag (indoors, alas), have tickle fights, and lots of cuddle time. Little dude asks for his dad about as much as he asks for me, which is great! I have a mama's boy on my hands, and I'm happy to see that he acknowledges the existence of his other parent (at least every once in a while). This bonding is going to become especially important after T is born. I'm glad to see it in action, and I hope it continues!!

We Jammin'

21 Weeks, 1 Day
Cantaloupe
Today, we had a work-related picnic to attend. Hubs couldn't make it, so it was just the offspring and me. We had a marvelous time, and the kids didn't want to leave. Even after J-bird jammed his finger on the basketball court. I didn't think much of it, but knew it was bad when he kept complaining later on. By evening, it had swollen big and fat. So, I gave him a popsicle. Then, I washed the stick, cut it in half, trimmed the sharp edges down, and put it between his hurt finger and the next one over. Taped them together, gave him ibuprofen, and he seems fine. Tried to ice it, but we had no clean baby washcloths, and the others were too thick for the ice to penetrate. The hard part was getting him to STOP. SUCKING. ON THE SPLINT. I padded it with a cotton round cleansing pad, so bits of the fluff were stuck to his mouth. Seriously, son. You are three years old. Knock it off!

Post-jam finger splint. No big deal.

Belly is doing fine. Rocked some new clothes, courtesy of my mother-in-law. Felt pretty good today - so much so, that we cleaned up leaves in the back yard (after I did the front yard yesterday). Only now, my lower back and bottom are pretty sore. I think I need to put my feet up!

Gender Prediction via Old Wives' Tales

As a mother of a girl who is now carrying a boy, there are definitely some differences between them.  But how reliable are those old wives' tales we've all heard about?  Numerous websites exist to help you "predict" your unborn child's gender.  Consider the following:

• Take a quiz to predict your baby's gender at BabyGenderPrediction.com or Parents.com (but be advised, some of the quizzes are tedious and may ask things you might not know, like how overweight or underweight you were before pregnancy or during it)
• Before you even conceive, Pregnancy-Info will tell you what to do to ensure conception of a boy or girl
• Chinese Birthday Calendars, which use your age and the month of conception to predict the sex, can be found anywhere online - here's one at WebWomb.com (it says I'm having a girl... ha ha)

Then there are the other things one typically hears during pregnancy:

• Carrying high = girl, carrying low = boy (although I've heard it the opposite way also)
• Shiny, glossy hair and strong nails, little to no morning sickness = boy, looking and feeling like crap = girl - supposedly, because girls steal their mothers' beauty (for me it was the other way around - I had the shiny hair the first time with my girl and this time more breakouts and nails that break at the drop of a hat - AND I was way more nauseated with my son)
• 140+ bmp fetal heart rate = girl, lower HR = boy (this one was true for me)
• Craving sweets = girl, craving sour/salty foods = boy (this was SO not the case for me)
• Here's one I never heard before (and have not tried): The Drano Test.  Pee in a cup, pour in a tablespoon of Drano (yes, the stuff you unclog drains with) and watch to see if it changes color.  In theory, green = girl, and blue = boy.
• Legendary Mayan prediction methods are to look at the age of the mother at conception and the year of conception.  If both are even or both odd, it's a girl.  If one is even and the other is odd, it's a boy. (again, this would make my child a girl, so I'm not sure how accurate it is)
• A VERY old tradition is to take off your wedding ring and tie it to a string.  Hang in front of your belly.  If the ring tick-tocks like a pendulum, it's a girl.  If it goes around in a circular motion, it's a boy.

Two things I had not heard before, but I've confirmed this with several friends, are the power of dreams and the amount of fetal movement.  As I mentioned in a previous blog, I had dreams about having a boy this time around and was not surprised to confirm it on ultrasound.  However, the other thing I've noticed is that my squirmy son pretty much NEVER stops moving.  I can still tell when he's sleeping because the movements are slower, less frequent, and smaller.  Still, he moves.  Like he's tossing and turning!  And when he's awake, Lord help me.  My entire abdomen changes shape.  He pokes, grabs, punches, kicks, stretches, and (I think) jumps rope with his umbilical cord.

Everyone I've talked to who also had boys noticed this excessive fetal movement as well.  So, I would guess that it can be another "wives' tale" to add to the list.

Of course, all of these gender prediction methods should be taken as entertainment or fun only.  The really sure way to tell if it's a boy or girl is the post-20-weeks ultrasound or amniocentesis.  Or, of course, if you are waiting for the surprise... birth!

It's a boy!

I never thought my dreams were really telling me anything until the ultrasound technician showed me a winkie on the screen, and I was not the least bit surprised to see it.  I have been having dreams for about the last 2 months about the sex of our unborn Deuce.  I have NOT EVEN ONCE dreamt he was a girl.

However, after preparing to ship keepsake clothing to my mom and donate the rest to charity (we can't store it anywhere here, and it may be quite a while before the next kid(s) come along), I've started having doubts about getting rid of them for fear that Deuce is really a girl and everyone was wrong, or that he has a twin sister hiding in there somewhere.  It is, of course, ridiculous, and I'm trying not to go nuts about it.  But there is something painful and final about packing away all of your baby girl's clothes that she can no longer wear and NOT save it for a future sibling.

I am really having a hard time letting this all go.

I am excited about my boy, though.  Luckily, we chose not to find out the sex of our firstborn, so we have plenty of unisex stuff to get us started, and I feel good about being able to use that stuff.  I am also quite unashamed to ask for free clothes from other families with older male children who don't need their baby clothes anymore.

But the bottom line remains.  I am certain I know how the mother feels when she sends those baby clothes away.  Wow, what an intense feeling!