No Rest for the Weary

25 Weeks, 1 day
Cauliflower, Rutabaga, or Bag of Flour (depending on the website)


I have had to travel a bit for work lately, and it won't slow down anytime soon. In the interim, I have had the worst sleep one might imagine. People say that later in pregnancy, baby is helping mom gear up for the frequent sleep-wake cycle of newborns. But that junk doesn't usually start until later in the third trimester. I am still (for a couple weeks) in the second trimester, and I'm supposed to be enjoying this time.


Don't get me wrong, I truly do enjoy the fun wiggles and jiggles of my squirmy-worm baby. I just prefer that they not be at 3am. And, being pregnant with a third kid while managing the lives of two other kids is not exactly a cake-walk in the first place. Thus, I am about as exhausted as I have ever been, despite this time supposedly being the "easiest" or the most relaxing part of pregnancy.

Discipline and Bonding

24 Weeks, 2 Days
Ear of Corn


Part of the fun of pregnancy is knowing that my young'un is moving and growing. These size estimates, however, are a little off (in my opinion). I think this one is bigger. My uterus should be the size of a soccer ball, and the top should be about an inch above my belly button. However, I am easily feeling movement 2 inches above my belly button, and I feel the space is shrinking really fast in there. Maybe it's because I'm short-statured, or because I have a short torso. Maybe my child is enormous. Who knows? I won't have another ultrasound (unless someone considers there to be a major reason to do so). I guess we'll see when I have my next midwife appointment.


My eldest has recently undergone a few disciplinary problems at school. I'm not sure what is happening, but we've realized that there seems to be about a 6-month cycle of limit-testing behavior. She is very well-behaved the rest of the time, but for a couple of weeks every 6 months or so, she goes through a phase of "bad choices." Lots of them. First, she punched another kid in the stomach because he wasn't listening to her on the playground. Likely, she was trying to dictate to him how he should play. Next, she broke another kid's newly-constructed Lego toy. Most recently, she disobeyed a teacher by locking a bathroom door after being explicitly told not to. She was supposed to test for her yellow belt at Taekwondo this week, but we decided she was not ready "on the inside." At the beginning of each class, the students recite a creed and 5 tenets, with very clear values about character-building, integrity, self-control, commitment to friendship, and a variety of other values that I can totally get on board with. Even though she knows her form and can do a very good job with the skills she has learned, we explained to her that she must be ready on the outside AND on the inside, by living the values expressed in the student's creed and 5 tenets. She was heartbroken, and it killed us to do it, but we couldn't just let it go.


We think this pattern of behavior is a developmentally appropriate thing, whereby she tests limits as she masters more skills and reaches higher levels of independence. She wants to know where the boundaries are. She wants to feel secure that, no matter what, the rules haven't suddenly changed on her. Nevertheless, it's hard on us parents to have to constantly be the "bad guys" and enforce disciplinary actions we really, really do not like to enforce. I'm the first to admit that sometimes I hope they make bad choices so I can remove a privilege I'm not really into that day anyway (e.g., going to the public swimming pool with them). However, skipping out on stuff that makes us insanely proud (e.g., yellow belt test) is an otherworldly experience devoid of satisfaction. The only positive thing I can say about it, is that the instructor totally backed us up and had, in fact, prevented his own two children from testing for a far less serious offense (not finishing their homework). So, there's that!


Lately, J and Hubs have been bonding more and more. They have found mutual joy in the game entitled "Plants vs. Zombies 2" (but little dude is overly obsessed with it, so I'm not thrilled about it). However, they have also found time to play tag (indoors, alas), have tickle fights, and lots of cuddle time. Little dude asks for his dad about as much as he asks for me, which is great! I have a mama's boy on my hands, and I'm happy to see that he acknowledges the existence of his other parent (at least every once in a while). This bonding is going to become especially important after T is born. I'm glad to see it in action, and I hope it continues!!

Things Strangers Do to Pregnant Women

23 Weeks, 4 Days
Mega-Mango
I have become a magnet for unwanted hands. I'm not sure where it is written in the societal norms protocol, that women who are pregnant should be touched by random strangers. It's as if we have forfeited our right to personal external space when we choose to share our internal space with a growing fetus. I have thought of some creative solutions to combat the unwanted touching. They include:

• Touching them back. Nothing says "awkward" like having your own belly rubbed by a pregnant woman, after you've rubbed hers without asking.
• Acting as if their touch is like acid. "OH! It burns! It BURNS! Why would you do that?" Commence the "what a world" speech of the Wicked Witch of the West from the 1939 classic, The Wizard of Oz.
• Slapping their hands. This is obviously the more aggressive response. It's important to say, "No!" in a firm voice, much in the way you might say to a puppy that has just micturated on your rug.
• Act like it turns you on. Only the bravest of souls can pull this one off. Maybe purr a little. Say, "Ooooh, don't stop. I like it."
• Go on a rant. Like, at least 25 minutes long. It must include several references to the dystopian world we must live in, where women's bodies are not their own as CLEARLY evidenced by a stranger's willingness to just spontaneously caress the abdomen of a woman completely without solicitation. Make sure it's loud. And public. Maybe stand on an actual soap box, if you can find one that isn't made of cardboard.

Of course, there are always the things that people say. Very inappropriate things. It's hard because, on the one hand, nobody wants to insult someone by asking if they are pregnant and risking the possibility that they aren't. However, it's a very different insult when people act surprised that you are pregnant. When you are so. Obviously. Showing. Sometimes, however, people are gutsy and ask away. Other people just play games.

• "Oh, I didn't know you were pregnant." This is a total cop-out. They were just afraid to ask if you were and waited until they could "overhear" you telling someone else your due-date.
• "So, ARE you pregnant?" No, I just let myself go. Of course I am! I can't fault people for asking, but sometimes the tone or the way in which they ask just reeks of incredulity. I think maybe they are hoping I would say that I was just overweight and confirm their initial thoughts. Oh, you mean you're pregnant, not just fat? I see. Well, guess I owe Jim-Bob some money.
• "Gosh, how many are IN there?" The implication here is that I am huge. Well, 3rd kid and a belly that has been there before. What do you want? Elasticity isn't permanent. How many times can you stretch a rubber band before it's just like, "Yeah, we're not going to go back to that 'new rubber band' smallness."
• "Oh, you're only 23 weeks?" Yet another implication of hugeness. To be fair, my midwife says I'm doing a bang-up job in controlling my weight gain. Also, to be fair, this one is riding deep. He likes to hang out around my spine. So I'm not that big. Really and truly. Nevertheless, the latter part of the previous point still applies: 3rd kid, well-rehearsed belly.
• "Gross, you have stretch marks already?" Well, these are old ones, from my second pregnancy. I miraculously made it through the first without any, but the beast that came next made his mark. It's still a little early for new stretch marks. And you know what? Stop looking at my belly. You're creeping me out.
• "When is your due date again?" This is a more covert way of asking why are you STILL pregnant. Most people have a tendency to forget how long a human gestation lasts. They think it should be over about the month after they find out you are pregnant. Of course, there are people who ask another way....
• "You STILL haven't had that baby yet?" Well, no, he's not ripe enough to come out yet. We kind of have to wait until his lungs develop and stuff. Calm down. It's not like you're carrying. Please don't act like my pregnancy is an inconvenience to your life.
• "But you had the perfect family before!" This is a huge insult, basically casting judgment on what type of family is "perfect" and why mine now won't be because we're adding another kid to the mix. If I were concerned about zero-point population replacement, we would have stopped with the two that would replace us. But, we didn't. So.... obviously that was not heavily weighed in our decision to grow our family.
• "I can't believe you would go through that again." Sometimes this comes from women who have had horrible birth experiences. Birth trauma, perhaps. I understand they can't wrap their minds around it just now. But sometimes, it comes from non-moms (women who haven't given birth, or men who aren't dads and/or who just can't deal with childbirth). So, your hang-ups about this miraculous wonder of pregnancy and birth haven't actually gone through my mind in a decade or so. At one point I was terrified of pregnancy and birth. But oh, the miracle! Oh, the mystery! Oh, the amazing grief and joy and pain and heroic triumph of bringing a new life into the world! There is absolutely no experience like it, and your lack of perspective on it doesn't really make you the authority on how all people feel about it.
• "Now you're going to be outnumbered." Yes, we've considered that. In fact, this one is probably the only thing that actually registers in my brain. My children are so, so smart. One day, they will learn to work together (rather than fight like cats and dogs). When they do, we are in trouble. There will be three of them. Assuming the third is as smart as his siblings, we could potentially have the beginnings of world domination in our offspring. We're just banking on the fact that we are older and wiser and can maybe catch on to their shenanigans before they do anything crazy or irreversible.

Bottom line, people do some crazy stuff around pregnant women. They let their guard down, let their thought filter go on standby, forget that we just don't reach out and touch strangers, and more. Not to mention all the unsolicited advice you get!! That will be saved for another blog. When you're pregnant, there's a lot more to this ride than just the stuff your body is going through. There's all the stuff that people around you are doing that makes it all the more.... interesting.

The Eggplant

23 Weeks
Small Eggplant (22-24 weeks), or Large Mango
I missed last week. Not because I was forgetful, but because I was busy. No matter. Baby's size hit "eggplant" last week (though maybe this is a puny eggplant), and is about the same for this and the next. Somewhere around 1-1.5 pounds, this little dude is kicking up a storm. Had a Level 2 Ultrasound last week, which included a fetal echocardiogram (EKG). Because the firstborn had a ventricular septal defect prior to birth, they wanted to check to be sure this little ticker was ticking properly. No worries. 150bpm at the last midwife appointment three days ago. He's doing great. He had the hiccups during the entire EKG appointment, which made it fun for the docs to try and get a good image. However, they felt pretty confident that 90% of possible heart defects were ruled out. The other 10% cannot be diagnosed in utero (things like the hole in the top of the heart, which is present in utero, failing to close upon birth). I'm feeling pretty good, but noticing that my lower back is starting to ache. Gotta carry this little dude around for about 17 more weeks (maybe less). He's only going to get bigger. And wigglier.

We Jammin'

21 Weeks, 1 Day
Cantaloupe
Today, we had a work-related picnic to attend. Hubs couldn't make it, so it was just the offspring and me. We had a marvelous time, and the kids didn't want to leave. Even after J-bird jammed his finger on the basketball court. I didn't think much of it, but knew it was bad when he kept complaining later on. By evening, it had swollen big and fat. So, I gave him a popsicle. Then, I washed the stick, cut it in half, trimmed the sharp edges down, and put it between his hurt finger and the next one over. Taped them together, gave him ibuprofen, and he seems fine. Tried to ice it, but we had no clean baby washcloths, and the others were too thick for the ice to penetrate. The hard part was getting him to STOP. SUCKING. ON THE SPLINT. I padded it with a cotton round cleansing pad, so bits of the fluff were stuck to his mouth. Seriously, son. You are three years old. Knock it off!

Post-jam finger splint. No big deal.

Belly is doing fine. Rocked some new clothes, courtesy of my mother-in-law. Felt pretty good today - so much so, that we cleaned up leaves in the back yard (after I did the front yard yesterday). Only now, my lower back and bottom are pretty sore. I think I need to put my feet up!

Halfway There

20 Weeks
Mango
Today is the first day they start measuring my fruit-baby from crown to heel, rather than from crown to rump. He is now about 10 inches long and weighs about 10.5 oz. However, at the ultrasound in week 18, they estimated he already weighed 10 oz. So, I may have an oinker. I neglected to show you our son, Jack Skellington, so he is pictured below:

"Blueberry" at 18w3d

I rotated the image so he could show you his "Whazzup" face, which looks pretty scary and awesome. I feel him wiggling all the time now, but only from the inside. I put my hands on the outside and can't feel anything but my heartbeat in my fingertips. Mama blood is powerful. I am a bit worried he will be a super-anxious kid, given all the stress I am under these days. Either that, or maybe he will be the most mellow kid because he needed to counteract all the cortisol his mother is kicking out. Hoping for the latter. Regardless, we're halfway to meeting him!

October 15th

Today is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. According to the official site, the entire month of October was designated as National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month by President Ronald Reagan in 1988. There are so many organizations out there to help out these days with loss of infants and pregnancy: First Candle, Pilari, and the T.E.A.R.S. Foundation, to name a few. But in 1988, there wasn't much. People hurt in silence. As a friend said to me, the hurt will be there forever and ever. But we can heal by moving forward. Into the future, and into life. We honor our children today. We honor the memories of those who are not with us by celebrating the ones who are, or by crying, or by lighting a candle, or by sharing our stories.

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19 Weeks, 4 Days
Grapefruit

I feel my son squirming. Now is pretty much the halfway point, though most people would just say 20 weeks is. I'll probably post something to that effect in a couple days. Probably in the next week, the Hubs will be able to feel the squirming, too. I haven't gotten around to digitizing the pictures from last week's ultrasound, but suffice it to say, our child looks like Jack Skellington from The Nightmare Before Christmas. Good thing we like that movie! As I remember my child who did not join us in August, but who passed away in January, I am struck by the feeling that I am still blessed. I feel my son move again. He's getting comfortable. He still has a long way to go before he joins us. And I am not going to rush him.