Final Descent

33 Weeks, 3 Days
Honeydew Melon, or Pineapple
Ladies and gentlemen, we have begun our final descent into the universe. Please return your tray tables and seat backs to the upright and locked position.


I am, apparently, carrying "low" or the baby has "dropped" according to at least a half dozen friends and family members. Of course, as a short person, it only means that I can't feel my ribs expanding, like, EVERY SINGLE SECOND. The rib pain is just the worst to me. Of course, there's more pain coming from the ever-stretching (and probably not ever returning to normal) ligaments in my lower abdomen.


I've been a bit concerned that this baby hasn't turned himself around to be ready for landing. At my last appointment a couple of weeks ago, he was still head-up. I have had multiple nightmares about having to have a cesarean because he didn't turn around for delivery. I mean, surely there must be some way to convince an unborn to rotate, right? Well, according to Spinning Babies, yes... there are ways. So I will be trying some of the less intense ones, like putting an ice pack on top of my tummy and playing music by my pubic bone. I have my next appointment in a couple of weeks, so I'll see what the midwife says then.


I don't want to negate anyone's birth experience. But I am really wanting to avoid a c-section. In my dreams, the surgeons keep telling me there is no other option and that they will totally sedate me for the surgery. I get furious because not only am I not getting the birth I want, but I am totally taken out of the equation so that I cannot even see my baby enter the world. In fact, I am kind of the last person in the room to know he has arrived because I have to wake up from anesthesia. That means, no kangaroo care, no skin-to-skin, no immediate nursing, no chance to tell my baby that it's okay, I'm here. I cannot stress how much I really, REALLY do not want that to be how my son enters this world. I want him to know me, smell me, and know he is okay. Really, a sedated cesarean takes away literally ALL of the things I want in my birth plan. It makes me sad, and angry, and sad again.


I'm not ready for this baby, clearly, because I have not yet scheduled my tour of labor and delivery. I haven't delivered at this hospital before, and so it might be important to, y'know, find out more about it. Especially their policies, given my fear of surgical intervention. I need to know how long before they're like, "Okay, lady, we've let you labor for a while. Now it's our turn." I have to make the call.

Things Strangers Do to Pregnant Women

23 Weeks, 4 Days
Mega-Mango
I have become a magnet for unwanted hands. I'm not sure where it is written in the societal norms protocol, that women who are pregnant should be touched by random strangers. It's as if we have forfeited our right to personal external space when we choose to share our internal space with a growing fetus. I have thought of some creative solutions to combat the unwanted touching. They include:

• Touching them back. Nothing says "awkward" like having your own belly rubbed by a pregnant woman, after you've rubbed hers without asking.
• Acting as if their touch is like acid. "OH! It burns! It BURNS! Why would you do that?" Commence the "what a world" speech of the Wicked Witch of the West from the 1939 classic, The Wizard of Oz.
• Slapping their hands. This is obviously the more aggressive response. It's important to say, "No!" in a firm voice, much in the way you might say to a puppy that has just micturated on your rug.
• Act like it turns you on. Only the bravest of souls can pull this one off. Maybe purr a little. Say, "Ooooh, don't stop. I like it."
• Go on a rant. Like, at least 25 minutes long. It must include several references to the dystopian world we must live in, where women's bodies are not their own as CLEARLY evidenced by a stranger's willingness to just spontaneously caress the abdomen of a woman completely without solicitation. Make sure it's loud. And public. Maybe stand on an actual soap box, if you can find one that isn't made of cardboard.

Of course, there are always the things that people say. Very inappropriate things. It's hard because, on the one hand, nobody wants to insult someone by asking if they are pregnant and risking the possibility that they aren't. However, it's a very different insult when people act surprised that you are pregnant. When you are so. Obviously. Showing. Sometimes, however, people are gutsy and ask away. Other people just play games.

• "Oh, I didn't know you were pregnant." This is a total cop-out. They were just afraid to ask if you were and waited until they could "overhear" you telling someone else your due-date.
• "So, ARE you pregnant?" No, I just let myself go. Of course I am! I can't fault people for asking, but sometimes the tone or the way in which they ask just reeks of incredulity. I think maybe they are hoping I would say that I was just overweight and confirm their initial thoughts. Oh, you mean you're pregnant, not just fat? I see. Well, guess I owe Jim-Bob some money.
• "Gosh, how many are IN there?" The implication here is that I am huge. Well, 3rd kid and a belly that has been there before. What do you want? Elasticity isn't permanent. How many times can you stretch a rubber band before it's just like, "Yeah, we're not going to go back to that 'new rubber band' smallness."
• "Oh, you're only 23 weeks?" Yet another implication of hugeness. To be fair, my midwife says I'm doing a bang-up job in controlling my weight gain. Also, to be fair, this one is riding deep. He likes to hang out around my spine. So I'm not that big. Really and truly. Nevertheless, the latter part of the previous point still applies: 3rd kid, well-rehearsed belly.
• "Gross, you have stretch marks already?" Well, these are old ones, from my second pregnancy. I miraculously made it through the first without any, but the beast that came next made his mark. It's still a little early for new stretch marks. And you know what? Stop looking at my belly. You're creeping me out.
• "When is your due date again?" This is a more covert way of asking why are you STILL pregnant. Most people have a tendency to forget how long a human gestation lasts. They think it should be over about the month after they find out you are pregnant. Of course, there are people who ask another way....
• "You STILL haven't had that baby yet?" Well, no, he's not ripe enough to come out yet. We kind of have to wait until his lungs develop and stuff. Calm down. It's not like you're carrying. Please don't act like my pregnancy is an inconvenience to your life.
• "But you had the perfect family before!" This is a huge insult, basically casting judgment on what type of family is "perfect" and why mine now won't be because we're adding another kid to the mix. If I were concerned about zero-point population replacement, we would have stopped with the two that would replace us. But, we didn't. So.... obviously that was not heavily weighed in our decision to grow our family.
• "I can't believe you would go through that again." Sometimes this comes from women who have had horrible birth experiences. Birth trauma, perhaps. I understand they can't wrap their minds around it just now. But sometimes, it comes from non-moms (women who haven't given birth, or men who aren't dads and/or who just can't deal with childbirth). So, your hang-ups about this miraculous wonder of pregnancy and birth haven't actually gone through my mind in a decade or so. At one point I was terrified of pregnancy and birth. But oh, the miracle! Oh, the mystery! Oh, the amazing grief and joy and pain and heroic triumph of bringing a new life into the world! There is absolutely no experience like it, and your lack of perspective on it doesn't really make you the authority on how all people feel about it.
• "Now you're going to be outnumbered." Yes, we've considered that. In fact, this one is probably the only thing that actually registers in my brain. My children are so, so smart. One day, they will learn to work together (rather than fight like cats and dogs). When they do, we are in trouble. There will be three of them. Assuming the third is as smart as his siblings, we could potentially have the beginnings of world domination in our offspring. We're just banking on the fact that we are older and wiser and can maybe catch on to their shenanigans before they do anything crazy or irreversible.

Bottom line, people do some crazy stuff around pregnant women. They let their guard down, let their thought filter go on standby, forget that we just don't reach out and touch strangers, and more. Not to mention all the unsolicited advice you get!! That will be saved for another blog. When you're pregnant, there's a lot more to this ride than just the stuff your body is going through. There's all the stuff that people around you are doing that makes it all the more.... interesting.

Why Pregnant Women Change Clothes So Much

Without fail, I will go through a wardrobe change at least twice in a day. Part of it is because I am taking off a uniform and putting on "real people" clothes. Sometimes, however, it's because I just need more space.


The following two photos were both taken on the same day, at 14 weeks, 4 days.

The first is from the morning, and the second is from the afternoon. No, I am not deliberately pushing my belly out. I am actually trying to "suck in" - which is why the bottom looks so pronounced, I guess.

This is REALLY what it's like to deal with bloating and junk. And why it's really frustrating to wear clothes that fit one minute and don't the next. Or, to be asked if you are twice as far along as you actually are.


Ladies, if you want to look small for your "bump" pictures, take them in the morning. If you are just too excited about that baby belly and want it to appear larger, take your pictures in the afternoon or evening. Or, if you are forgetful and neglect taking regular pictures of your growing belly (in the event this is something you want to document), just take some morning and night and tell people the night picture is actually a later week. It'll totally work.

Mexican Jumping Bean - Doula You Love Me?

So Mexico was a blast. The weather was warm (okay, hot) and the humidity was approximately that of a steam room, but it was a nice change from the 48-degrees-and-raining Pacific Northwest. I think Baby liked it too. I call him/her my "Mexican Jumping Bean" because at least two or three times per day, the little one was dancing the salsa or something in there!

I am still learning where the Bean is in my belly: what position, which way he/she is facing, and where the feet are. But today, a doula came to talk to all the preggos at Fort Lewis (there are a lot), and she gave us some handouts that showed us not only how to tell where Baby is (through "Belly Mapping") but how to make Baby move! The website where she got/created the handout is here. The Doulas of North America have a website that helps pregnant folks find a doula and birthing center in their local area.

I'm not sure I want a doula because I have a certified nurse midwife, a doctor standing by, and a wonderful husband who will be my partner. Still, it's good to know that I can have him wrap a towel under my belly while I'm on hands and knees and he can "shake the baby" using the towel and squeeze my hips with his legs while standing over me. All that just to get the baby ready to be born. In a position that hopefully won't require too much back labor, too much bleeding, too many stitches, or too many long hours.

With the Bean jumping all over the place as of now, it might be useful to learn a few techniques to ensure he/she isn't trying to put a foot through the birth canal!