The First Six Weeks

Six weeks ago today, I was in labor. It was snowing, and I refused to believe I would actually have to be out in that nastiness on my way to deliver. And yet... here we are.


Things I have learned over the past six weeks include...


During Delivery

• People will come in and out of your room without announcing their presence
• People will be all up in your va-jay-jay without introducing themselves
• People will continue to ask you questions even though you do not have the presence of mind to attend to them AND to the labor contractions... and you're more likely to attend to the latter

After Birth

• Despite being SO incredibly tired, you might just not be able to sleep for the excitement of meeting this little person you've been waiting to cuddle
• You might not get many visitors... and that's okay
• ...and if it's not okay, if you had your baby at the hospital, there are plenty of staff to be in and out of your room all day and night

Coming Home

• By the third child, it feels like that baby was always there; you just have to reconsider sleeping arrangements
• Your newbie's siblings may fall instantly in love... or they might willfully ignore the fact that the n00b is here
• Your eldest might tell the (now) middle child that she loves the baby more than him
• The (now) middle child might tell you that he wishes the baby would die
• You might cry because of these things

The First Two Weeks

• ...well, they absolutely still suck. Even though baby #3 feels totally like he's always been there, the adjustment to poor sleep and frequent feedings takes a lot out of you
• ...and a lot out of your partner, who is picking up the slack around the house for everything else you can't do now that nearly 100% of your time involves having an infant hanging off your breast or being up to your elbows in mustardy-poop
• You are likely to have less patience with each other, and with your other kids
• You might decide it's best to have daddy sleep elsewhere in the house so he can get a good night's sleep and not be the devil-parent (someone has to be nice, at least)
• You might really miss each other
• Your breasts hurt like a sonofabitch - you realize you forgot that the "natural" breastfeeding isn't exactly, like, naturally easy to do
• You might have experienced engorgement, a lump, and the desperation of trying to keep baby awake long enough during a feeding to squeeze out that painful milk backlog
• Your partner may offer an ice cube to wake up baby, and it becomes a running joke ("Want an ice cube?")

The Second Two Weeks (weeks 3 and 4)

• Ah, adjustment! You are finding your groove
• You discover this growing person also has a little personality
• You understand his language, know his sleepy cry from his hungry cry, and his likes and dislikes
• He likes, for example, to be near you - and has started to coo when you talk to him
• He can see a teeny bit farther and knows which blurry blobs are his parents and siblings
• You may feel adventurous enough to go on outings
• Your breasts are starting to feel semi-normal again... except that they are at least twice the size they used to be and you can't wear many of your "regular" shirts
• Your maternity pants are too big, and your regular pants are too small.... ah, sweatpants will do (preferably with drawstring)

The Third Two Weeks (weeks 5 and 6)

• My word, he smiled at you! The real kind, not the gassy kind
• And thank goodness he smiles and is so cute, or otherwise you'd probably hate him because he's decided to eat and sleep on some crazy new schedule you haven't figured out yet
• And you realize that his love of cuddling with you extends now to only sleeping when you are holding him, and that he wakes when you put him down
• You'd really like to go pee without bringing the baby along
• Or eat lunch without worrying about dropping food on him while he dozes in your lap
• Oh, and you have to go back to work next Monday, which reminds you that you need to pump
• And your partner isn't back in your bed yet because nobody trusts that this baby is going to sleep in his own space without disturbing the whole house
• But at least the (now) middle child has warmed up enough that he kisses baby goodnight
• And you might have figured out that he needs to sleep on your dirty clothes in the crib to have your smell on him
• And despite all of this, you're still sad that the convalescent-getting-to-know-you time is almost over already

So we're on the eve of his 6 weeks birthday. And I am both extremely happy and terribly sad, as patient as a saint and as frustrated as humanly tolerable, alert and exhausted. This is motherhood.

Final Descent

33 Weeks, 3 Days
Honeydew Melon, or Pineapple
Ladies and gentlemen, we have begun our final descent into the universe. Please return your tray tables and seat backs to the upright and locked position.


I am, apparently, carrying "low" or the baby has "dropped" according to at least a half dozen friends and family members. Of course, as a short person, it only means that I can't feel my ribs expanding, like, EVERY SINGLE SECOND. The rib pain is just the worst to me. Of course, there's more pain coming from the ever-stretching (and probably not ever returning to normal) ligaments in my lower abdomen.


I've been a bit concerned that this baby hasn't turned himself around to be ready for landing. At my last appointment a couple of weeks ago, he was still head-up. I have had multiple nightmares about having to have a cesarean because he didn't turn around for delivery. I mean, surely there must be some way to convince an unborn to rotate, right? Well, according to Spinning Babies, yes... there are ways. So I will be trying some of the less intense ones, like putting an ice pack on top of my tummy and playing music by my pubic bone. I have my next appointment in a couple of weeks, so I'll see what the midwife says then.


I don't want to negate anyone's birth experience. But I am really wanting to avoid a c-section. In my dreams, the surgeons keep telling me there is no other option and that they will totally sedate me for the surgery. I get furious because not only am I not getting the birth I want, but I am totally taken out of the equation so that I cannot even see my baby enter the world. In fact, I am kind of the last person in the room to know he has arrived because I have to wake up from anesthesia. That means, no kangaroo care, no skin-to-skin, no immediate nursing, no chance to tell my baby that it's okay, I'm here. I cannot stress how much I really, REALLY do not want that to be how my son enters this world. I want him to know me, smell me, and know he is okay. Really, a sedated cesarean takes away literally ALL of the things I want in my birth plan. It makes me sad, and angry, and sad again.


I'm not ready for this baby, clearly, because I have not yet scheduled my tour of labor and delivery. I haven't delivered at this hospital before, and so it might be important to, y'know, find out more about it. Especially their policies, given my fear of surgical intervention. I need to know how long before they're like, "Okay, lady, we've let you labor for a while. Now it's our turn." I have to make the call.

Discipline and Bonding

24 Weeks, 2 Days
Ear of Corn


Part of the fun of pregnancy is knowing that my young'un is moving and growing. These size estimates, however, are a little off (in my opinion). I think this one is bigger. My uterus should be the size of a soccer ball, and the top should be about an inch above my belly button. However, I am easily feeling movement 2 inches above my belly button, and I feel the space is shrinking really fast in there. Maybe it's because I'm short-statured, or because I have a short torso. Maybe my child is enormous. Who knows? I won't have another ultrasound (unless someone considers there to be a major reason to do so). I guess we'll see when I have my next midwife appointment.


My eldest has recently undergone a few disciplinary problems at school. I'm not sure what is happening, but we've realized that there seems to be about a 6-month cycle of limit-testing behavior. She is very well-behaved the rest of the time, but for a couple of weeks every 6 months or so, she goes through a phase of "bad choices." Lots of them. First, she punched another kid in the stomach because he wasn't listening to her on the playground. Likely, she was trying to dictate to him how he should play. Next, she broke another kid's newly-constructed Lego toy. Most recently, she disobeyed a teacher by locking a bathroom door after being explicitly told not to. She was supposed to test for her yellow belt at Taekwondo this week, but we decided she was not ready "on the inside." At the beginning of each class, the students recite a creed and 5 tenets, with very clear values about character-building, integrity, self-control, commitment to friendship, and a variety of other values that I can totally get on board with. Even though she knows her form and can do a very good job with the skills she has learned, we explained to her that she must be ready on the outside AND on the inside, by living the values expressed in the student's creed and 5 tenets. She was heartbroken, and it killed us to do it, but we couldn't just let it go.


We think this pattern of behavior is a developmentally appropriate thing, whereby she tests limits as she masters more skills and reaches higher levels of independence. She wants to know where the boundaries are. She wants to feel secure that, no matter what, the rules haven't suddenly changed on her. Nevertheless, it's hard on us parents to have to constantly be the "bad guys" and enforce disciplinary actions we really, really do not like to enforce. I'm the first to admit that sometimes I hope they make bad choices so I can remove a privilege I'm not really into that day anyway (e.g., going to the public swimming pool with them). However, skipping out on stuff that makes us insanely proud (e.g., yellow belt test) is an otherworldly experience devoid of satisfaction. The only positive thing I can say about it, is that the instructor totally backed us up and had, in fact, prevented his own two children from testing for a far less serious offense (not finishing their homework). So, there's that!


Lately, J and Hubs have been bonding more and more. They have found mutual joy in the game entitled "Plants vs. Zombies 2" (but little dude is overly obsessed with it, so I'm not thrilled about it). However, they have also found time to play tag (indoors, alas), have tickle fights, and lots of cuddle time. Little dude asks for his dad about as much as he asks for me, which is great! I have a mama's boy on my hands, and I'm happy to see that he acknowledges the existence of his other parent (at least every once in a while). This bonding is going to become especially important after T is born. I'm glad to see it in action, and I hope it continues!!