The Yacht Club

Evidently, my children are boaters. One small problem.... we do not, nor can we afford to, own a boat. The pictured boat belongs to my brother-in-law and his father. While a modest income can certainly afford a boat (we grew up with one), the additional costs of maintaining, storing, and using one can be far outside the limits. In my mind, I would imagine the only people who have boats and use them more than once or twice a year are either (a) fishermen or (b) people who use the names of seasons as verbs (e.g., "We shall summer in New England this year").

Siblings on Uncle's boat 

Meanwhile, the babies are no babies. My, how they've grown! My girl is now a five-year-old who has completed a year of pre-K at a lovely school in our area. She moves on to kindergarten this fall. Her aunt (wife of the boat-owner, and my sister) is pregnant. So, now my darling daughter pretends to be pregnant as well. She has no idea how much the prospect of her becoming pregnant (like EVER) terrifies me. Of course, someday this fear will vanish, I'm sure. There will come a time when grandchildren will seem like fun (rather than the death knell of my youth).

Five years old - the Skipper

We experienced our first (ever) fracture. During soccer, she had an avulsion fracture of her right fibula after tripping over a soccer ball. Never mind that it occurred because I might have allowed her to wear inappropriate shoes. She's taking it well, and is allowed to walk around with an air-cast. However, I should clarify that this child does not walk. She hops. She skips. She jumps, dips, dives, and does pretty much everything her doctor said not to do. And why not? She's five.

Two years old - the First Mate

My boy is two, and not the terrible kind. I'm convinced two is "terrific" and three is the "terrible" one. We'll see, come this time next year. Potty-training will be on the agenda for this year (hopefully this summer). He already senses the bodily urge and knows how to use the toilet, but his interest waxes and wanes (or, more appropriate to the theme, ebbs and flows like the tides).

He speaks rather well, but we've learned that his adenoids are enlarged and may be impacting his speech and breathing. While he gets sufficient oxygen, his sleep is likely impacted from snoring, and his speech is affected by the poor airflow during specific lip and mouth movements. We have a follow-up otolaryngology (ENT) consultation to determine if he will need surgery. While I try to wrap my mind around surgery on my baby boy, I have heard from other moms whose children managed to survive adenoidectomies.

Finally, we consider for a moment the possibility of expanding our family. What might that do to our great dynamic? How will the first two react to a third? They each have selected a same-sex sibling, as well as a name - the daughter wishes for a sister named Daisy Sunrose, and the son wishes for a brother with the same name as he has (because it is SO EPIC). And then, there are the financial considerations of how to manage upgrading a car (a must, to fit in a third child seat), where we'd all sleep, and how to pay for child care (which already costs more than our mortgage). So much for the yacht club.

Intervention

Wow. It's been nearly one year to the DAY since the last post. Two little kids with their two parents in graduate school is no joke.

This (year's) post title, "Intervention," seems appropriate on multiple levels. When life gets so busy that you don't have time to stop and.... I dunno...breathe the oxygen, it's time for someone to knock you upside the head and tell you to slow down for a second. While we spend the majority of our time running around like the White Rabbit from Alice in Wonderland, we do actually get a few moments to pretend we're a "normal" family. Of course, I use the word normal loosely. I firmly believe it's a setting on your washing machine and nothing more.

Today was one of those days we got to be somewhat normal. When I titled the post "Intervention," the intent was a little different than the aforementioned. My children, ages five and two, have now gotten to the wonderful age where arguments occur. Maybe even brawls. Today's example was when the 2-year-old boy asked (in the sweetest, most polite manner I've ever heard) his big sister if he could play with one of her toys, she SCREAMED in wild protest, "NO!!! NO!!! NO!!!" To which, the boy cried huge, devastating crocodile tears.

No one was harmed in this exchange. Physically, anyway. I often wonder as a parent when I should intervene. I wanted to do it today, but I did not, and here's why:

I have a rule I use with the 5-year-old on tattling. She is REALLY bad about doing it ALL the time. She doesn't get the concept that, "Nobody likes a snitch." Instead, I've resorted to providing clear-cut examples of when it is appropriate to "snitch" and when it is not. Bottom line: it's okay to tattle when someone is in danger or if someone's property is in danger. I'd like to take credit, but my sister let me borrow a book called Help Me Be Good: Tattling (one in a great series, actually) that helped a lot.

Anyway, I figured the same rules should apply to me. If nobody is in danger, and nobody's stuff is in danger, I should really let them work it out. They need to problem-solve on their own, and they'll never get practice if I keep breaking it up all the time. While I certainly wouldn't just let them go wild, I think they are not in the right mindset to accept a "teaching moment" (read: a lecture on the proper way to negotiate) when they're already in the throes of a knock-down, drag-out tumble over a toy.

The husband and I try our best to demonstrate clear examples of how to problem-solve as a team and negotiate the terms of a compromise. Additionally, there are plenty of opportunities to observe other kids or even use television (I know, I know... the evil box that sits in the living room babysitting other people's kids) to show where the actors (or cartoons) could have done something different.

Besides, I'm tired of screaming, "Knock it off!" from the top of the stairs.

Walking and talking

Time, please pause. If you don't slow down I will miss everything!!!

My son is 13 months, 3 weeks old. He is walking. Everywhere. And he says about a dozen words now. One of them (finally) is "Mama." Here's a short list:

• Mama
• Dada (and sometimes "Daddy")
• Eat
• Cracker
• Car
• Red
• Why
• No
• Hot
• Good
• Go
• Ooooh! (when something is exciting to him)

My dear daughter has been giving us new challenges as the boy increases his abilities. She has now begun to play even more rough with him. She hits, pushes, knocks him down. She takes toys away. She pretends to be a baby because we have provided the excuse for his own impulsive (but perfectly normal) behaviors.

Sometimes, she does the most amazing things without being asked. She has made her bed, cleaned her room, gotten fully dressed, gotten her own breakfast, and other tasks. At four years old, I consider this quite impressive. Other times, however, she has displayed emotional dysregulation over small things, intense frustration at not being able to put on her shoes (at task at which she has been proficient for at least 2 years), and total breakdowns in rationality. Although all of these things are (somewhat) age appropriate, I wonder how much of it can be attributed to this little guy coming in and taking away all her attention.

We need to enroll her in acting classes.

Overall, however, we are blessed with beautiful, (mostly) well-behaved, and VERY happy children. I cannot believe how quickly time just flies away. Time, please, please, slow down.

Where, oh where, did a year just go?

ZOOM.

On the day after we celebrated (as in, with an actual PARTY celebrated) our son's first birthday, I realize that there are so many things that tend to happen almost at light speed, and there is just no way to capture them all. The boy actually turned one nearly 2 weeks ago, but I didn't have a moment to spare for him (or guests) until this weekend.

Things I've learned in the past six months:
(1) Parenthood does not get easier just because I've done it before. Each kid apparently presents new challenges. (more on this later)
(2) Both parents being enrolled in Ph.D. programs while also trying to raise two kids is completely insane.
(3) If we don't have time for something, it's okay to say no.... even if it's a major holiday and/or people's feelings will be hurt.
(4) No matter how busy we get doing whatever it is we do, our little family comes before pretty much everything else.

Words.
J now says a handful of words. The first one spoken was "Dada" at about 6 months. He now fully associates "Dada" with his father, which is cool. He also says "NO!" He's become quite proficient at the use of "Uh-oh," even though he sometimes says it as a preemptive measure (i.e., BEFORE throwing his cup on the floor from the kitchen table). He says "Hot," when near the stove or if he hears anything remotely sounding like it (although it comes out more as "HAH-tah"). But he will not say, "Mama." Like, at all. He said it on Christmas Day, and I thought how wonderful a gift he'd just given me. But apparently, it's not the kind that keeps on giving. Everyone keeps telling me he's pulling my leg, though one bit of advice sticks out...."Don't worry; once he starts saying it, you'll regret wishing he would because he'll never let you rest!" Hmmm, valid point.

I still want to hear him say, "Mama," and know it's me. Just sayin...

Boy versus Girl.
Okay, it could be sex differences, or it could be just different kid things. However, I've noticed that we've had to go to great lengths in managing our lives with the boy in it. We have had to childproof everything. Okay, we sort of did it with E because we were first-timers, but she never got into so much trouble. J, on the other hand, has tried to leap over the banister down the stairwell, jump off our bed, fly off the diaper changing table, stick things in electrical outlets (regardless of if they're covered), get into cabinets, pull things out of cabinets, and pretty much destroy anything delicate that isn't placed on a very high shelf or out of sight.

We now live with a cage around our television. The remotes must be hidden from him or batteries removed so that we don't find the TV displaying something we've never seen before. We have to watch out for our phones so he doesn't call someone in China. We have a gate blocking off the top of our stairs. And all this for a boy who isn't quite yet walking!!! He took a few steps yesterday and the day before, but he's not quite ready. And we're not exactly disappointed by that.

We call him the B.B.O.E., which stands for the "Busiest Boy on Earth," and he is. He is always looking around for mischief, always curious, always being nosy, always getting into something. On the positive side, our little investigator has an inquisitive mind and is likely quite intelligent. We just have to keep from tearing our hair out while we wait for this genius to emerge.

A time for milestones

My six-month, 24-day old son has now learned to clap his hands. He's about 2 months ahead of where his sister was on this development. He has also (for about 2 weeks now) been rolling over from back to front. Unfortunately, he hasn't quite learned to roll the other way consistently, so he frequently rolls over in the middle of the night and gets frustrated because he cannot roll back. Persistent grunting turns into crying, and that means I get to leave my warm comfy bed (sometimes SEVERAL TIMES) during the night. Part of that could also be teething-related; something he's also doing a couple months in advance of his sister, who got her first tooth at 8 months.

We've also begun trying solids. Apart from the oatmeal and rice cereal the pediatrician recommended for iron supplementation, he's now tasted squash (and LOVED it), carrots (which stain worse than blood - I recommend getting Shout! or another stain remover), peas, and green beans (which he equally detests). He has also had applesauce (and I'm not sure if he really likes it because he makes the same "yuck" face he makes with green veggies). Still, he's a super kid and continues to eat it despite the "yuck" face. Unfortunately, with solids comes the end of those cute breast-fed baby poops. They aren't horrifying yet, but they will be getting worse and worse as the consistency of the foods he tries increases.

My three-year, 8-month-old daughter can write nearly all the letters of the alphabet on her Magna-doodle. She talks herself through the process, which is not only adorable, but also lets us know what type of learner she is. Saying things aloud while doing them means she is an auditory learner. Just like her daddy! "So the P is a line down, and a loop on the side!"

Naps continue to be a struggle with her, but she managed to take one 3 days in a row at our daycare provider's home. The provider did a mock-phone call to us as a fear inducer. She really wants to please us, so she went right to sleep. I think this only had to be done once, with reminders the next two days ("Remember, I will call Mommy and Daddy to tell them you aren't sleeping..."). Of course, she knows that if she DOES sleep, she gets to watch one of her favorite cartoons when she gets home, before dinner. As parents, we actually HATE it when we can't reward her for making good choices. The cartoon thing is also a way to keep her occupied while we make dinner in the evening. Of course, our little girl does love to help. And helping is perfectly okay for a 3 1/2-year-old to handle.

She can set the table (one dish at a time), place out the silverware, take empty cups over, etc. After dinner, she helps with clean-up. Now that she is no longer terrified of our Dust-Buster, we let her use it to get the crumbs off our hardwood floor under the table each night. Usually it's her mess anyway. She also helps clear the dishes (she's still too short to place items in the sink, and letting her throw them in has already ended in 2 broken dishes) - she brings them to one of us, who is already sink-side.

Starting them early on routine house maintenance and the concepts of cleaning up what we mess up will help keep us from having an infuriating teen-ager who does nothing. At least, that's the hope!

Rice is nice.

Today, little J (who is a few days shy of his 5-month-birthday) had a few bites of rice cereal mixed with breast milk.  His face was just precious.  He very happily opened his mouth when the spoon came near it, but the first bite was quite obviously not what he expected.  There was some blowback.  The next few bites went a little better, and he became a little chow-hound.  It got to the point where I apparently was not fast enough with the spooning, so he tried to help expedite by grabbing the spoon.  This served only to dump its contents into my lap.  He quickly got angry.  We opted to "boob him up" for the rest of this feeding.

He has been physiologically ready for solids for about a month now, but since he was gaining weight at a very decent pace (95th percentile) I felt it unnecessary to introduce rice cereal.  In addition, J may (or may not) be our last baby, so there is a very unique desire to keep him a baby for longer.  Since he sat unsupported at 20 weeks (we have to put him there, but he can stay up pretty well), it was time.  Unfortunately, he cannot quite sit in a high chair or anything so solids will definitely wait until at least the recommended six months.

Am I going bald?

So you've had a baby about three months ago.  Your body has recovered pretty much to the point it was before you got pregnant (although your abdomen may appear otherwise).  Your muscles may still be a bit weak in the abdominal wall, and you may have some extra flab, but for the most part your body functions have resumed "normal" activity.  Of course, if you are breastfeeding, there is that major change, too.  One thing you may be experiencing now (like I am) is hair loss.  A lot of hair loss.

This seemingly unnatural and excessive evacuation of hair from your head is due to the growth cycles being disrupted during pregnancy and not (let me repeat, NOT) from breastfeeding.  Your hair passes through a three-phase life cycle: anagen (growth phase) - which can last an average of three years, catagen (transition phase), and telogen (resting phase) - which lasts from 1 to 6 months with an average of 3 months.  Normally, about 85 to 95 percent of the hair on your head is growing and the other 5 to 15 percent is in a resting stage. After the resting period, this hair falls out — usually while you're brushing, washing, or otherwise agitating it — and is replaced by new growth.  The new (anagen) hairs actually push the old (telogen) hairs out of the follicle.  During a normal, non-pregnant, non-postpartum time of your life, you'd lose about 100 hairs per day.

During pregnancy, the boost of estrogen extends the normal growth phase of the cycle so that more and more of your hair is growing rather than resting.  Hence the thick, sexy hair you had while pregnant.  Once you give birth, estrogen levels plummet.  Of course, about 3 months postpartum (on average), the telogen (resting) phase has completed and progressed back to anogen (growth)... and the hair falls out of your head seemingly all at once.  Hair may come out in clumps, or you look at your brush and it's furry, or your shower drain has to be snaked almost daily... personally, I feel like I could make at least one wig from all the hair on my bathroom floor right now.

There's more.  Hair texture, color, and level of oiliness or dryness could change postpartum as well.  If you had wavy hair before, it might be stick-straight now.  It could be super-oily when it used to be on the dry side.  It could be coarse when it was once baby-fine.  You really get all kinds of surprises along with the gift of motherhood.

The good news is, sometime between 6 months and 1 year postpartum everything goes back to normal.  Your hair resumes its normal growth cycle, texture, etc.  However, if you still notice a lot of these changes beyond your baby's first birthday, you could be iron deficient (also a common postpartum ailment).  Your health care provider can prescribe a supplement if necessary.  Another possibility is hypothyroidism (low thyroid hormone) - another fairly common postpartum condition that can easily be remedied by your health care provider.  If you are concerned, the doctor's office is your first resource for help.

WHAT TO DO:

1. Experiment with your hair.  Try a shorter haircut or a textured one, cut some bangs (to minimize the appearance of the whispy baby-hair along your forehead), or use a wash-and-go method rather than excessively styling.
2. Try some different hair care products that bulk up the hair.
3. Change your comb/brush to one that is less likely to tug and stress the hair (wider-tooth combs are better during this time).
4. If you have long hair, check your baby OFTEN for one of your hairs wrapped tightly around the baby's toes, fingers, or (yes, even) penis.  This is called a "hair tourniquet" and can be very painful to your little one.  If he or she is crying and you've already done the typical feeding, diapering, and fatigue checks, this should be the very next thing you look for.

I'm holding out for sometime between three and nine months from now.  Until then, I just know I have to clean the bathroom a bit more often than I enjoy.