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Thursday, July 5, 2007

Worst Idea Ever!

So I thought maybe I'd get my education on about labor and delivery. What better way than by checking out The Learning Channel? You learn stuff, and it's pretty well-documented. I'm sure they have great fact-checkers. So I watched "A Baby Story" on TLC, which (if you've never heard of it), is about the last couple of weeks of pregnancy, into labor and delivery, and a couple weeks after the parents are home. It's only a half-hour show. I watched two of them today.

So far, I have determined TWO major facts:

1. Watching "A Baby Story" will make me cry.
2. Watching "A Baby Story" has made me not want to give birth. Like, at all.

Drugs or no drugs, I do not want to force a huge noggin (because if I think about the size of my own head and the size of my husband's head, I have no chance of getting a break here)...out my (let me be polite) girl parts. This is a bad notion at this point, because it's pretty much unavoidable. I can't just remain pregnant, nor will the Army give me a Caesarean unless it's absolutely necessary to save my life. They didn't say if they'd do it if it were necessary to save the doctor's life, though. Maybe if I try to choke out the doctor...

See, if I could give birth, NOW (in the 13th week), my little infant is only 3 inches long from crown to rump (a little longer with the legs and all). I can manage that. Unfortunately, baby can't manage the outside world yet. By the time he or she can handle the outside world, I don't know if I can handle the childbirth!

Please, can't I just be comatose for that part?

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