There's no sex when you vomit

For those who recognized the (very) loose Bush reference (that would be the band, not the President), congratulations. Now, on to the subject at hand.

One relatively alarming (well, for the daddy-to-be, anyway) side-effect of pregnancy is the loss of libido. Well, some say there's an increase but not for me. I went from (well, never mind where I used to be) down to flat zero sex drive. It isn't anything in particular I can pinpoint, so I'll just list a few things that I think contribute.

1. Feeling "unsexy." This can be likened to that bloated, gassy feeling you might have after eating way too much, or maybe you just don't feel pretty. Or that you think you look like a whale because you can't zip your favorite jeans up anymore.

2. Nauseous Maximus. This would be that queasy feeling not unlike seasickness that I feel nearly every day at varying points in the day. Could be that I ate too little, or maybe I ate too much. Maybe I ate something that the baby hated and hasn't had the nerve to develop any language skills to tell me yet. Either way, this unfortunate side effect often leads to....

3. Spewage. Disgusting, surprising, repulsive, whatever you want to call it. It's vomit. It's bad enough when you've just eaten what you thought was a nice, healthy breakfast. It's much worse when you've fasted for 12 hours in order to have your base level glucose measured in a blood draw and all you have is disgusting yellow stomach bile. (Side note: Stomach bile looks a lot like a thoroughly whisked runny egg yolk when it goes in the toilet, which made me laugh at the thought, right before I heaved more of it this morning.)

4. Pregnancy-induced psychosis. This may need explaining. I've gone completely mad. I love you one minute, hate you the next. I am happy and then utterly depressed. I am fixated on cleaning, then I can't possibly be expected to lift a finger while I'm growing a baby inside me. My poor husband deals with this on a regular basis and hasn't tried to kill me yet. Although my pillow was on top of my head this morning.

5. Desire mixed with Revulsion. This last one is harder to explain. It's the same feeling I have when I eat, even though I don't want to. I'm hungry and desire the food, but I'm not sure if I'll feel good afterwards or if I'll go yak it up again. The only thing that makes me eat anyway is the prospect of harming my little fetus if I don't. There is no such catch to failure to orgasm. Or even failure to want to pretend to try. So I gaze over lovingly at my husband because I want to... but then something inside me says, "But you might get seasick or be in pain or it might not be good or you might need to change positions ten times or you're too picky anyway, or..." you get the idea.

The worst part is, he's so in tune with my emotional state (crazy as it may be right now), that he can tell if I'm not really into it and only doing it for him (which I did already try once). This, in turn, makes it totally not fun for him. So I have given up for now. I just hope that when the second trimester comes, all the nasty part of being pregnant will vanish with the first trimester and we can be close to normal again. Maybe, everything will even be zen.